Words

*below is something I wrote in my journal in Oct of 2015. I will not edit it and just type it exactly as I wrote it. I will say that what I was feeling went on for a good five or six months. The longest ever did. I am better. I did get help. I am my old self. I am... so I know others out there can be. I even got a semi colon tattoo to help remind myself (maybe do a post on it later)*




Sometimes I only ever still feel alive when I am in another world. Listening to music, reading book after book after book, watching a movie... just losing myself in the stories. If I stop for anything other than basic needs......I feel...empty. I feel that crushing despair and feeling of panic, failure and hopelessness creeping in on me. Suffocating me in its hunger. It has an ravenous appetite. I have been feeling it coming on for a few months (anyone who has been here...knows that sadness and the struggle to keep it at bay)

I am just so tired. Always fighting something. Having to overcome obstacles, not just regular life ones (that I feel are only determined by majority of society so maybe they are not really regular but we just give them that title?). I have death, loss of career, health condition, struggling to keep siblings safe and happy (regardless of lose family members and have to go to court because of a mother who refuses to do what is best for them. regardless of a little sister who seems so self destructive I can barely keep up some days)

So confession? I gave up. I am not proud of that... I let go. Again... hi old friend. Then when I let go? I have the addition of the guilt and anger from letting go ON TOP of the other feelings. I stop being social, ignore my animals beyond basic feeding and letting them cuddle, ignore my loved ones in my house beyond making sure fed and going to school or work, ignore my loved ones outside of home by quitting contact and dodging their attempts. I just want to play pretend, hit the pause button and lose myself in make believe or another persons creation.

how unfair of me.

My dreams are struggles of maintaining that fantasy world instead of my memories, fears and hopes taking over. To remind me of what happened. To remind me of who I am.
*scoffing at myself right now* Like....the woman who is called Hurricane Bridgette, Vitamin B (a dear friend says she needs a daily dose or when she gets a dose it perks her up like a vitamin). The proud, fiery, hopeful red head who fights with everything she is and loves people/animals and life even harder than that. That gal is this shell of a gal? That gal no longer has the strength to even just be her true self?

What kind of lame shit is that? How weak am I? Those are daily questions asking myself right now (since around Oct) Oh I can and do try to give reason to myself, my loved ones who are watching me helplessly. Worried as I wither away from the inside. What about allllll that has happened to me? What period of my 34 years would you like to focus on? To find the reason., The excuse. Trust me there are some valid ones (but to me never fully give excuse)I try to use those past moments to DO BETTER.... be better. Show a choice was made then to overcome. Why not now? Why cant I do that? Why do I not just accept that I may need a pill, I may need counseling. That I preach the horrible stigma attached to those forms of aid and tell people not ignore that. Do what needs to be done. Yet for me? It is not a tool it is a crutch. It is a band aid. It won't help. Ugh... so contradicting.

Sigh this is my battle... this standing on the edge of the cliff. A familiar place. Barely holding on. Again. All my demons trying to yank me down. This time? I need.... more. To get back up? I need help. So till I do? As I keep trying and failing? I am so thankful for words. Words on paper in the pattern of a story. Another world. Words on sheets of music flowing through me. This world still...but? I am living it half through another pain, joy, desire, sadness and happiness.

This is all handle past several weeks. Why can't anyone accept that? Just leave me alone. Let me be tired and weak. Just for a few more moments......

How do you start over?

Hello Blogspot...

How do you breathe life into something you used to love so much? Do you tear it down and re start? Or be a trooper through it and let it be shown you lost your creativity? Your desire to share was there but draft after draft left you feeling empty so you let life carry you away and forgot a form of release for you. A community you had started to build up. People you checked on weekly if not daily to see what they chose to share with you and others out there.

I am going with the second option. I am hoping to be back. I am back some where I used to be, like in the USA. Crazy huh? Part of my time away was losing myself, finding myself.. am I anyone without being a couple? Am I couple? Are we happy? That all got shoved away with several deaths, a big one being my husband's father not even a month after being told he was being medically retired from the United States Air Force. After fifteen years.. among all of the other stresses we were faced with civilian life five years before we planned and the loss of a retirement he had been working towards. My life as an active spouse was done, putting my career on hold every few years? Was no more. Where to go, what to do?? Well with several degrees and decades of experience between us we would be okay right? Well here we are among that path. It is month eight of being back in the US and in the state of Texas.

So much to share, write, pics to post, people to catch up. To see if between all got going on if I am able to fall back in love with this place. If I can? I hope I can.

~B~

Brushing the Dust Off

I have missed this.

Blogging.

Don't you hate it when life and other social media gets you so busy and so caught up you have no time or do not make it for something you used to love so much.

I am trying to take Dec to find some new things to blog about, revamp it, set up some posts to get posted ahead of time. That way when classes start up again in Jan I can better keep up with it. With as much as I have been into polish, cooking, the places I traveled to, random quotes I find..I  know I can get back into posting. Not that I was that good to begin with. I just do not want to throw this to the wayside.


Here's to brushing the dust off, finding new footing and braving a new path.

~Hugs~
Bridgette

Help out Nicole Hamlett again

Hey everyone. This is a great self-published author. Nicole Hamlett. She writes a series on Grace Murphy. Think kick butt heroine, with a sassy mouth, single mom, demi gods, gods,(but a new spin on them) powers, love etc. The first two are already out " Huntress" and "Rifts" the third one " Volcanoes" is ready to hit shelves on the 6th. Just by clicking on this link and looking at her profile, her books and her kickstarter you help me earn points as part of her street team per say. You also will quickly want to read them I know it. =) They are cheaply priced and you are helping out a fellow mom who is just following her dreams.

Click HERE

Just check it out. Does not hurt to try.

~bridgette~

Support this Kickstarter

Okay two posts in one day.
But I had to try to get this out there anyway I could.

CLICK HERE

If you click that you will be getting the chance to support an awesome, hard working, self-publishing author of e-books and single mom, Nicole Hamlett.

She writes the Grace Murphy Novels you can find on amazon and other sites.

Huntress and Rifts

She has a couple new book series she wants to start and as that she is already writing another one and is self-employeed she needs FUNDS to do so.

So click here and get access to some great books and help a fellow woman, mom, author, book lover and American in one swoop.

Thanks guys

~Hugs~
Bridgette

Julep Maven- Join Now for ONE PENNY

Hey lovely readers! I won't bother giving excuses about lack of posts.

I have plenty in draft form that I am adding to as I can. Life is life and sometimes  you just can not excuse yourself from other things to sit down and write on your own blog. I am just happy I can find time to fit in my reading of my favorite blogs. I have several posts on my nails. That is what this one is all about but I wanted to post this wonderful thing to you. I found out about Julep Maven from Carla a blog I follow. She is a lovely gal that is a fellow military spouse, loves shoes, nail polish and clothes as much or more than me.

Around January she posted about her recent find of a Seattle based company and their monthly polish club. Julep is a salon in Seattle that makes fantastic colors, products AND sells them online!

Sweet!

You can click on their name Julep here to get more information about them

Now onto what Julep Maven is and WHY I am finally posting to only post about them

Well not only are they American, owned,operated and even make their products in the United States but they make them without a lot of the additives that other nail polishes have. I call that a WIN WIN, wouldn't you??

Now their monthly club is only 19.95, you take a survey about what style  you are. I am usually Classic with a Twist, but just this past month I switched to American Beauty because I preferred what that box was. Each box comes with either two polishes and an product, just polish, great products etc. But it changes each month and you can request to change to another box for a month and then the following go back to your style(based on that survey) automatically.

Great huh?

So why bother you with this?

BECAUSE YOU CAN GET YOUR FIRST BOX FOR ONE PENNY!!!

What it this day in age costs just one penny anymore? Not only that for every two people that join by clicking on THIS LINK will give me a month for free. So it helps us both out.

Enter code: SHAREONMAY

Go ahead and check them out, even if you don't do the monthly club(which I think you should), their polish is something you HAVE to just try.

See you soon

(back to finals...grumbles...)

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Goals

This year has already been one full of goals achieved and unfortunately...many failures.

I need change.

I need to make my own change

So here are some quotes I have been reading to inspire me, to help me set attainable goals, to be focused.

Figured others could use some too?

Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter.
 of course and prescriptive right
Aldous Huxley


The virtue lies in the struggle, not in the prize.
Richard Monckton Milnes



It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOUR STEPS, GOALS and ACHIEVEMENTS!!!

Month of Thankfulness

Everyday on facebook I have been updating my status with what I am thankful for. I realized today that I should come over here and put them on. So since I am behind by fifteen days on here, to make it even. I am going to copy and paste my first fifteen days to here in one post. Then will wait and put the other fifteen once I am done. It really is a great way to stop and be grateful. To think of what makes you happy, what is good in your life. We should do it more often than just Nov, but for now a month is a good start.


Day 15: I am thankful today for several reasons/ things. A cup of steaming apple cider in front of a fireplace, long meaningless talks with friends that still fill my heart up and real non forced hugs from my siblings, in public. But most of all am thankful to be writing that I get to enjoy these things. I am thankful to be alive, to have a fighting spirit and the will to make my future amazing. So today's is a mix of things... All important in their own way.


Day 14: Today I am thankful for my fur babies. Having a dog or cat gives you the feeling of complex loyalty and unconditional love. They don't care what you look like, how much you make or even if you were mean to them the day before. They just want your love and will give it back. They are a mix of intelligence and innocence. I will continue to help anyone of them in need and will always own too many. So another challenge to you on this thankful day... Last time you helped out a loving animal that needs help? Donate money, volunteer at a shelter. Every bit helps. ♥


Day 13: I am very thankful for modern day products. Being a woman is hard... But fantastic creams, bath balls, lotions, fun eye shadows, popping mascara...all that lets you change yourself up and have fun. A hard day can be eased away by a bubble bath... Not a deep post today, but to us women important all the same!


Day Twelve: I am thankful for forgiveness,understanding and helpfulness. We all need these traits in our lives. Sometimes all three at once and at times need to be the one doing them. I am thankful for people that in situations that seem daunting, they understand. Thankful for when I can't do anything right I have those that forgive. Last but not least, am
thankful for those that don't even get asked and they help or they are beyond helpful with knowing it.

Being part of this wonderful military family on Veterans Day, I just posted this instead of about me...

‎11/11/11 At 11:11... lets all have silence in our homes! Thank those that have fought, those that are and those that will. I am proud to be part of this military family and beyond proud to have a kick butt husband that serves his country anyway he is asked. Special shout out to friends that are doing their duty on deployments that have taken them from family for too long. You are all in our thoughts. We are going to go to the graves of the fallen WWI and WWII brave men and pay our respect and give thanks. Reminds us that freedom is not free and our beautiful country is a blessing.


Day Ten: I am thankful for tv shows!! They provide endless hours of lazy time, shared interests with friends across the world and can make me feel like we share moments. They are there to give me a break from school, work... Just life. Give me education, laughs and shocks. It's also basically free and has no time limit. Yes not a very " deep" thing to be thankful for...but to do thirty days... I need to spread out the thoughtful ones. Also it's perfectly okay to be honest that some things that make you happy are frivolous.




Day Nine: I am very thankful for a house that has heat on lights on and food in it. Been there without all three and its something that is earned and should be treasured. So many don't have a home and lots of those are children. Being through things make me just want to work harder to keep making our house a home. As well as help those in need!! On this day of thanks... I CHALLENGE you!! Donate to a food bank, full Thanksgiving meal or half of one. Go one step more and serve food at a shelter before you eat yours!!! Appreciate your home!!! I do, even more so today.


Day Eight: I am so thankful that I have amazing siblings!! am close to four of them and plan on getting closer! My sister Alex is more than a sister she's one of my closest friends. She is so down to earth, artistic and beautiful! Gage is turning into a young man and making me feel old. He will always be my "red" and the charming lil toddler that loved to watch Blade. Mason is still the character and one of the biggest smartasses I know and he's only 12. He already makes me proud of how he treats his girlfriend and will only get better. Jessica is still my B.B.O.T.A!! But the quickest kid I know to help you clean and cook anything. So helpful!!! My sister Kim is such a strong, hard working single mom of three boys I can't wait to see. Cullen is turning into such a tall young man and is still such a sweetie and we share the love of Ghost Adventures. Elizabeth is a Daddy's girl and had the three broken arms to show that she's a tomboy. Kenny is the family expert on computer games and is so sweet and we are thankful as a family that he is high functioning and I can't wait to see him soon. This is long, I know but I have NINE!! Love them all


Day Seven: I am so thankful for my husband. Actually thankful doesn't even describe it!! I never thought or knew my marriage/relationship would be this. He is strong, hard working, intelligent, kind and beyond thoughtful. He loves my quirky, nerdy and stubborn ways and my baggage didn't scare him. He helped heal me in a very difficult time and made me feel safe. I am one of the rare few that can call their husband their best friend too. He also is my advisor, chef, banker, etc.... I love you Ryon!! Thank you for pursuing me and making me see we were more than just fun.....Without you the past eight years would be totally different and that thought scares me. Soo yeah thankful for him today and everyday.Not to mention he is an exceptional role model to my brothers/sister and said yes to them living here without a hesitation. He shows them how to treat a lady right, puts them in check and plays video games with them for hours!! He shows Jessica how to do Math(I hate it) and spoils me rotten do shows her how she should be treated. He is an amazing NCO and Airmen, a friend that's there when you need him!! Lol I guess you could say I am smitten. I am done now


Day Six: I am thankful for being part of this crazy, very hard at times, amazing Military family. The traditions, the experiences and knowledge you just can't get unless your active duty or married to one. It's something I wouldn't want to not have in my life. I am so proud to know and call friends some of the strongest men and women in America


Day Four~ I am beyond thankful and blessed to have the loved ones I have in my life. To thank each of them would take too long,but they deserve it. My husband, family(blood and adopted) friends that are my family, friends.....just you all!!You know who you are....thank you! You being in my life has improved it and I cherish our memories.


Day Three: I am thankful for modern times. Might seem dumb to be thankful for that...but The Internet allows us to be able to keep in touch with our loved ones which is so important!! Plus modern medicine is AHHH-mazing. being a woman in this time period is awesome. I can't imagine not being able to do pretty much any job I want, vote and to speak my mind!! ;)


Day Two: I am thankful today for my healthy body. Being able to be independent and do things on your own is a blessing.


Day One: am thankful for loved ones who are there for you when you need them

Waiting...

Man oh man...this waiting is killing me. Now granted it has only been one day but....waiting to get approved for Pintrest is KILLING ME.

Seriously.

I am wilting away

I am loving all these things I want to " pin" and I can't...

I can just look!

What is pintrest you ask?

Well a really neat site that you can get inspiration from pictures that people post
kind of like that other website that you made boards on...I am having a brain fart right now.
Well now with this you can "like" items and "pin" items. You can create your own little boards by labeling them..and that is all I know because I am not a member and am just creeping on it right now.

So if you are a member and happen to be reading this....comment me to see if 

a) Have I died yet?

b) or am I accepted yet..

if not..offer to give me an invite...

 so I can give you my email address and get an invite.

Me asking for it does not mean the offer isn't kind and  doesn't mean  that I won't be super SUPER grateful.

lol

~Hugs~

Bridgette

*UPDATE*

I AM IN NOW!! Wooohoooo

My name is AlaskanStyle

I tried to do so many names, could not find one I liked and ones I really did were too long. So this is it...

I am probably still pinning away as you read this.

Funky? Fun? Fantastic?

What I should write for Friday's? I was already thinking Monday's as the " manaic"...meaning that they can be whatever...just be out there.

But what to do for Friday? Should I just leave Friday alone...I mean "if" I stick to the titles I have now...

...

then I will be posting Mon-Thurs

but we both know THAT won't happen

also though...that I will TRY to have it happen

BUT

Just in case...

what could be a title for Friday's??

I mean not that my Friday is super funky....

I am reading blogs while listening to P.S I love you

My little sister has never seen it and

I FORGOT HOW SAD IT IS...

man

I could eat a whole chocolate cake right now.

Still a great love story.

Okay so this is a short post.

I will keep reading blogs and trying not to drown my keyboard in my tears..


Ooooh well it is the scene with Holly seeing the yummy Irish man come out of the shower..

so maybe try not to drool in my keyboard.

=)

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Thankful Thursday's...Strength

I am thankful for strength this week

when you are going through rough patches and you don't have any yourself

i am thankful for those in my life that pick me up and remind me of the inner strength i have

To be able to see the things I have been through and the strength, faith and courage and determination to

Over come it all and be better from it is not something all can do

but there are times i just can not grasp that strength

things start to just crash over me. like one heavy wave after another and as much as i am trying to swim

through and get back to shore

i cant

so this week

I am so thankful for an amazing best friend, fincial advisor, cook, professional back tickler, shoulder to

lean on, professional speaker in the " nothing is wrong pull those big girl panties up", lover and my dear

sweet

wonderful

HUSBAND

So much more deserves to be said for him and to him. But this simple post of me being thankful will have 

to do.

Plus who doesn't love a kind word or two?

* Sorry that this seems kinda heavy but the next thankful thursday's will be light and fun and i am okay again. I can get through anything. So no more heavy posts.....well for the next while until life happens right??

What are you thankful for??

As always

with

~Hugs~

Bridgette

100 in 365 Challenge # 2

Okay Y'all..

if I am at least one thing it is determined.

yes, I fell shy of my goal of hundred books in a twelve month period

you can look over my reading list by clicking here

or on the side bar

BUT

how many people can say they read even ten books in a year?

So my total books read of 54  is a good try I think.

Things I have learned

I read a lot of paranormal romance books

That is because the paranormal genre has always interested me

I like to believe that there is magic out there and sometimes with the good magic you got to the scary kind

I also love them because they all feature heroines that are

strong

fiesty

capable

fighters

....

yet deep down they are romantics

loyal

kind

These are things I am and things I long to be

I also noticed that I get a book from a series, sometimes not always the first one and then latch on

I go on to read any books I can order or get at the library

So that is why last year some of my series were read out of order.

because of this goal I joined a book club

this has helped me read books I never would have

and

then met some awesome ladies. I have a meeting tonight for July book.

I am excited

This will be really long for y'all to read in order to get to my list so I better cut this off.

Anyways.

Goals for August 2011- August 2012

1. READ 100 BOOKS( duh right?)
2. READ SERIES IN ORDER
3. IN ORDER TO REACH GOAL MUST READ AT LEAST 5 BOOKS A MONTH
(this makes it to where the months I am not in school or have time off I can read more, to reach it I actually need to read 8-9 books a month, I know that won't happen always)
4. READ MORE OF A VARIETY
( in the last few months I got more of a variety in there but for the majority it was romance, paranormal or paranormal romance. I want substance, truth, thrillers etc)
5. FINISH THE SERIES I STARTED LAST YEAR

THE BOOK LIST

AUGUST 2011

1. Laura K. Hamilton, Hit List, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series, Book

2. Thirteenth Tale,(Book Club)

SEPTEMBER 2011

1. Jodi Picoult, House Rules ( Book Club)

OCTOBER 2011

NOVEMEBR 2011

DECEMBER 2011

Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games, Book One


* I got a KINDLE FIRE for Christmas* So this has increased the books I have been able to read a lot

JANURARY 2012

1.Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire, Book Two
2. Suzanne Collins, Mocking Jay, Book Three
3.Yann Martel,  Life of Pi (Book Club)
4. Ruth Cardello, Maid for the Billionaire
5. Kimberly Liewellyn, Almost a Bride
6. Barbara Samuel, Lucien's Fall

FEBRUARY 2012

1. Donna Grant, Highland Mist
2. Donna Grant, Highland Dawn
3. Donna Grant, Highland Nights
4. Brenda Novak, Noble Birth
5. Sharon Gillenwater, Jenna's Cowboy6. John Pearson, Learn Me Good
7. Lois Winston, Assault with a Deadly Glue Gun
8. Lois Winston, Death by a Killer Doll


MARCH 2012

1.Kimberly Lewis, When the Heart Falls


APRIL 2012

1. E.L James, Fifty Shades of Grey, Book One
2. E.L James, Fifty Shades Darker, Book Two
3. E.L James, Fifty Freed, Book Three
4. Markus Zusak, Book Thief (Book Club)


MAY 2012
1. Jennifer Estep, Touch of Frost, Book One
2. Jennifer Estep, Kiss of Frost, Book Two
3. Jennifer Estep, First Frost, Short Prelude to series(e-book)
4. Anne Nicholas, Bait, Book One,(e-book)
5. Charlene Harris, Deadlocked, Sookie Stackhouse Series, Book 12
6. Anne Nicholas, Catch, Book Two,(e-book)
7. Phillipa Gregory, The Other Queen ( Book Club)

Thankful Thursday's...the First

I know I came up with the idea of doing a series during the week to try to give me more to write about

to write everyday even

Wow.

Epic Fail right?

But this is my blog and this is life and by now I am very good at just picking up where I left off and continuing to try.

That is all we can do.

So here is one of the ideas I had...THANKFUL THURSDAY's

This is where I will write what I am thankful for, Maybe share a picture of that

This Thursday

I am so very. very thankful for.

1. My husband. My ahhh-mazing military man. He is my rock. He is the one that makes me laugh when I am trying to cry...he is military so he also is the one to tell me to suck it up and deal with it when I am being to wallow-y

(it is a word)

2. My body and health. I am a woman so I believe it comes with our genetic DNA or handbook

to just be miserable with something on our bodies at ALL times.

I am never happy with my weight. ever. I mean I am a chunker trying to get skinny. But I remember being young and skinny and still not being happy.

If I could back I would slap myself.

Anyways I am so thankful for the body I do have. Because with  all the medical stuff I have had happened, the physical therapy, surgries and hospital stays that I can walk, I can move my arms, breathe on my own, dance and can earn a living

I should be.

I am so very thankful for my good blood pressure, no serious diesases

It might seem silly to some to be thankful for your body.

But darn it

We should be. It is a wonderful and magical thing.

How it works and everything we can do because we are human

and

healthly

That should not be taken lightly and today I am thankful for it.

3. My loves. That is my friends.family. teens at my work.siblings and pets.( not in order of importance)

 That line from Beyonces song fits

"they will be the proof that I lived"

My friends are my adopted and CHOSEN family. I love my family, at all times. Even when I hate them and can not talk to them or be around them. But my friends.....ahh..they are ahhhhh-mazing people. My husband is even my friend, but you know how it is

there is just something so dear to our hearts as

a girlfriend.

I have lucky to have some great ones.

If you are reading.

I heart you, love you and larva you =)

4. I am so grateful that I can work and was able to find work and I do work.

I know plenty that want to but can't find it

On top of being able to

I LOVE MY JOB

For those in the dark

well turn on a light....

(crickets)

Okay it wasn't that funny

Annnnyyywwwhooo

For those in the dark

I work at a teen center

I get to bond, inspire, help teach, talk with, play with teens.

I run youth leadership programs

that deal with saying no to sex, drugs, peer pressure, doing community service, how to interview, speech

etc etc etc

I also go to other places, amusement parks, kayaking, hiking, rock wall climbing, laser tag

and

GET PAID

So yes I have been confused lately

Extremly so

But with those things I am thankful for today.

........

How can I not realize I am enough and my life is enough ?

What are you thankful for today?

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Wishful Wednesday's

Oh what am I NOT wishing for....

1. To have more hands and time to do all the things I want
2. To loose this weight with a snap of a finger
3. To be back on our cruise in the Greek Islands already
4.For the sun to stay out like it has this week every week so can keep our garden going strong.

OH BUT WAIT....

I have the wishful material items too...

 Since joining my Book Club I have realized I need  a Kindle. I was leaning more towards the Nook since I am a Barnes and Noble memeber and have been for years. But Kindle has been out longer and Amazon is not having the money issues Barnes is..plus have researched and found as long as you disable the wireless Kindles can last up to a month for their battery power. Ssssswwweeeet!

Isn't this one nice and then this purple case is way cute and I would want to make sure it was protected so it is practical too..

right?

Okay if you follow my other blog...shoes shoes and shoes are always something I want.

Like these from

Shi

(by journey's)

$49.99

Oh and these

Promiscuous Brand

No really that is their name

From 6pm

They are on sale for only

$32 smackroos

So if you like them click on that link above and go get ya a pair

They also come with a beige or black. But I am diggin' the zebra print and gray pattern.

OH MY......these too for good measure.

Jimmy Choos

DSW

( I tried to copy the picture it won't let me)

(so click the link to see these simple black, flat flowered beauties)

I have always wanted atleast one pair each of brands like this.

The untainable for a shoe lover as I.

Maybe one day.

But even on sale for less than $500

I just can not do it. I did see a website called

TheRealReal

That has a bunch of good deals for under $200

So that helps knowing that one day my goal could be reached.

or

If ebay would quit letting people sell just ONE shoe I could not get my hopes up and then crushed when stumbling upon an amazing deal on ebay....

and seeing it is for one shoe.

I love shoes

but

I am not a shoe store

I don't need  a darn display section of my closet with one shoe out.

Who knows for now though, the most I have ever paid for shoes remains those Betsy Johnson brown boots at $80 bucks

down

from almost $300

Okay so that is my Wishful Wednesdays, yes a very short yet materialistic one.

We all have this side

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Others say things best...sometimes.

Whenever I feel I want to encourage or say things..but have no words.

of my own

I look to song lyrics.

To others words.

I feel I am at an internal struggle.

Un-happy with choices.

Am I working hard enough?

Am I having enough fun?

Am I enough?

These two songs are just sitting with me right now, I also happened to be able to take just two lines out of one of them and text them to a friend..and she said it made her feel better...which made me happy.

I love to make my family and friends happy.

So I figured I would post the links to these two songs and there post their lyrics.

Do you do that? Not just listen to the song, but read the lyrics and have them sit with you?

I know we all would say yes.

Beyonce'

" I was here"
Album called 4


I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time



Know there was something that


Meant something that I left behind


When I leave this world,


I'll leave no regrets


I'll leave something to remember,


So they won't forget






I was here...


I lived, I loved


I was here...


I did, I've done, everything that I wanted


And it was more than I thought it would be


I will leave my mark so everyone will know


I was here...






I want to say I lived each day,


Until I die


I know that I meant something in somebody's life


The hearts I have touched,


Will be the proof that I leave


That I made a difference


And this world will see



I was here...


I lived, I loved


I was here...


I did, I've done, everything that I wanted


And it was more than I thought it would be


I will leave my mark so everyone will know






I was here...






I was here...


I lived, I loved


I was here...


I did, I've done, everything that I wanted


And it was more than I thought it would be


I will leave my mark so everyone will know


I was here...






I just want them to know


That I gave my all,


Did my best


Brought someone some happiness


Left this world a little better just because...






I was here...






I was here...


I lived, I loved


I was here...


I did, I've done, everything that I wanted


And it was more than I thought it would be


I will leave my mark so everyone will know


I was here...


Then this one....

Shania Twain
" Today is Your Day"
Album called

You got what it takes you can win?







You got what it takes you can win,


Today is your day to begin.


Don't give up here, don't you quit.


The moment is now, this is it


Know that you can then you will


Get to the top of the hill


Part of the fun is the climb


You just gotta make up your mind






That today is your day


And nothing can stand in your way


Today is your day


Everything's goin' your way


Today (you can do it)


Today (c'mon c'mon)


Today (c'mon do it)


Today






When somebody throws sticks and stones


All they can break are your bones


And life's gonna kick you around


Then kick you again when you're down







But today is your day


And nothing can stand in your way


Today is your day


Everything's goin' your way


Today (c'mon do it now)


Today


Today


Today






mmmm life's gonna kick you, its gonna kick you around, its gonna kick you down






Brush yourself off no regrets


This is as good as it gets


Don't expect more or less


Just go out and give it your best (give it your best)






Today is your day


And nothing can stand in your way


Today is your day


Everything's goin' your way






Today


Today ( I said today is your day)


Today


Today


I said today


Today


Today is your day mmmmm

What songs are sitting with you? Encouraging you? Or just making you want to shake it or break something, sing along....just anything.

Have a great day!

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Cruise July 2011

So I never posted on here that I was going on a 12 day cruise to Greece, Croatia, Turkiye and Montenegro.

Well not a big shocker I guess there since I have rarely posted on here this year at all. I have gotten out of the habait so badly. I envy these bloggers that have an entry everyday. I think I need to write several entries at once and then post them to go out on a daily schedule.

Anyway I digress.

So we went on this cruise.

It was ahhhh-mazing.

It has been awhile since I posted photos.

So here are some of my favorite photos.

I can not place them all. That would take too much space up and too many entries.

A Panoramic shot of Kotor, Montenegro.

My dear hubby and I. This is after climbing up only halfway to the old fortress. Halyway was still over 500 steps up the mountainside.

Athens, Greece. The Paratheon

It is almost impossible to get a photo with out people in it. Way too busy

This was our third stop, Kusadisi, Turkiye. The Ancient city of Ephesus

The library in Ephesus

This visit had the most emotional ties for us. Seeing an anicent city mentioned in the bible, standing where Paul preached, going to Johns tomb and the most visiting Virgin Mary's house that she spent her last years.

This is on the upper wall of St. Peters castle in Bodrum, Turkiye(Turkey..our tour guide said they dont spell it or say it like we do)

View of the harbor and some of the city from St. Peter's Castle

This was us coming upon the castle, you can reach it by boat from the harbor where our cruise ship was

Our favorite place. Santorini, Greece

The buidlings, people, shops, food...it all just popped out at you. We could have stayed there for a week or more. A day was not enough

The beautiful sea and houses on the cliff side

It really is like in the movies. These photos don't do it justice.

Some of these houses are personal homes others are bed and breakfasts places. You want to stay huh?

My dear hubby and I. Again. I will try to keep these shots to a limit as well.

So many of the churches had the blue domed roofs, but they still had their own personal style from the others.

Clock tower in the Village of Oia, our favorite village on the island of Santorini

Okay that was only five stops. We still have pictures of the actual cruise ship and activites on there, I could overload you on many more pictures from the stops above. But I will try to post again down the road the rest of places and get back to regular posting.

have a great weekend.

~Bridgette~

Fruit Fast : Day Two

June 1 2011

 I woke up after a night of tossing and turning. I started coughing and have a sore and an itchy throat.

But I am not giving up and will tredge on. They were not joking, day two is so far worse than the first day.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am :  Ate my orange to mix it up a bit, I prefer smaller clemtines, as I hate having to pick all the inner white skin off the orange. But it is nice and juicy. I drink a glass of water while eating it.
                    * I feel statisfied but I can not help but think of a nice yummy homemade milk gravy with sausage and biscuits breakfast. Which does not help.

~ On my way to work realize I did not take my multi vit.
~ Got busy at work and did not eat lunch till later

LUNCH:1:00pm: Ate another apple slowly, had a Golden Delcious. I had my water with it as well but not a full glass.
                          * Apples are not filling me up for some reason. Still starving. Could be the leftover smells from the teens lunch that is increasing this though.

~ Between lunch and my snack I drink another 24oz from my Camelbak water bottle.
~ Am still feeling like crap, but really think it is also that I have a cold.

~ At 3:00pm right before the teens come back in program, I get a burst of energy. I feel great, no more headache, no more grogginess. Slightly hungry but not fixating on food. Is this how it happens? Or just a moment of "good"?

SNACK: 4:45pm:  I have another apple, a Granny Smith Green apple this time. It taste crisp and crunchy. I eat it while playing with the teens. So takes me a good 10mins to eat it.
      * Feeling good.

~ At around 6pm when time to get off work and head home, start to come off  my " good". Thinking it is because I love my job and got to be around the teens. Starting to feel tired and hungry again. But not as bad as yesterday.

~ I feel like I stink, that my breath is a bit worse than it should be, I am peeing a lot! Go figure from the water. But no bathroom runs all the time like I was told and read that I would have. Am I not as toxic? Do I not need to be cleaned out? Or am I not doing something right? Not sure how that is possible. Eating 4 pieces of fruit a day and drinking enough water to fill a small pool up.=)


DINNER:7:00PM: ate my last piece of fruit for the day. Had an orange. Being honest here had a lick of bbq sauce off my finger too. I have to cook for three kids too. They can not and do not need to be on a fast so still have to feed them normal. Well last night was easy, leftovers they can heat it up themselves( ages 14,12,11) BUT TONIGHT...ahhhhhhhh. Had to cook. Made them lean chicken breasts, baked with a yummy homemade bbq sauce and steamed veggie mix. I can not wait till this fast is over and can do the Vegan diet. I love veggies and KNOW I can do vegan. After doing this fast. I have an whole new respect for those than can go 14-21 days.

* Due to cooking a meal for the kids my orange did not statisfy my body or brain. Techinally felt full. But my body still wanted more cause it smelt it. I actually started almost drooling. Is it normal to smell other food and produce more salvia? Felt like my dogs.=)


Okay....on to day three

Wooouuuzaaaahh. We can do this!!!!!!!

FRUIT FAST: DAY ONE

 May 31st

I woke up feeling so strong!

I am going to do this!

Breakfast: 9am :Ate my Granny Smith Green Apple slowly with a glass of nice cold ice water and a multi-vit/ pre natal actually. Figured they would have a good amount of what I need in them.
   * I actually felt full, eating it slow does help!

(3 HOURS LATER)
~Okay now feeling really really hungry and I work at a teen center. So covering the lunch hour means I am having to smell all of the kids lunches. Drank 24oz of water to try to fill my tummy up. Only worked for a bit.
" drooling"

(4 HOURS LATER)

Lunch:  1pm :Ate my Red Delcious Apple slowly and drank another glass of water.
   * Not satisfied at all. I have a headache and a sore throat, with hunger pains. This is a good thing right? Means I was toxic, addticted to the chemicals they put in food? Getting it out already?

~330pmThe teens are back in the bulding and school is out...this means...snack time. Oh lord, I want to rip an egg roll out of a kids hand and eat it. Not good.

~My headache is pounding now, nose won't quit running and my eyes are watery and itchy( could be allergies too).

Snack: 5pm :Ate my other apple, it was a Golden Delcious. Ate it fast cause I was hungry. Should have eaten it slowly. Not full at all. Drank another 24oz of water( my camelbak)

* Man, already sick of apples.

Dinner: 730pm: Ate my big fat orange and it was GOOOOOD!  It was a great break from the apples. I ate it slowly and drank a glass of water.

* I feel full again. Still weak, headache and want to eat other stuff but I know that is the process.

( 1 HOUR LATER)

~I am going to take a hot bath full of espon salt. My body is so sore, headahce is dull now, tummy is rumbling. I just keep thinking of food. I want to cook homemade chicken and dumplings, fried chicken, homemade mac and cheese, even bread or cheese. Just something else. BUT this also makes me want to keep it up. Laid in bed and my husband and I tried to not talk of food and have managed to not snip at each other but once today. But both def feel the crankness they talk about.

Can I do another day of this??






Here is just a couple links you can check out to read about Fruit Fasting yourself.

~ Fruit Fasting
~ Another Person Trying out a Fruit Fast

Or Try Juice Fasting

~ Juice Master

* I am NOT in anyway saying to follow what the websites say or that you won't feel bad, just giving a few links to what I read on the path to making this choice to try a fruit fast. I searched and read for a week. Make sure if you have any health problems already you consult your doctor,

Changes

Changes are happening one after another with me and what I choose to eat and what products to buy. It started slowly with moving to Europe and starting a veggie garden with my husband. Since we no longer lived in an apartment and had some space we wanted to do this, well he did and it fit with what I was trying to accomplish. Plus we then got into making a herb garden and  we do rasberries and strawberries too. So that made me really appreicate the fresh fruit, sun kissed and nothing but organic methods to treat it. Now do not get me wrong,I have always been a little enviormentally friendly. But not enough to really change my impact. Such as Recycle off and on, never litter, pick up trash when I see it, ride my bike or walk when I could, but until I started really getting into materials in books, blogs and facebook, following users, authors and documentaries such as :Food Inc, Fast Food Nation, Super Size Me, Fat Head, Goregously Green(book but follow her on facebook) etc etc. It did not really bite me. The bug that is. So slowly got better at things. Then recently another bug bit me. I started really hating the thought of  eating meat, do not get me wrong I do not judge those who don't eat it or those that do crave it or still eat it. BUT most of the time( recently) I can not help but picture the animal and the phrase from " Skinny Bitch " calling it " decaying animal flesh"

yeaaaaahhhh not so yummy picturing that huh?

But I was still not wanting to give up my meat, plus  my soda, my cookies junk food. Which is fine to eat as a

TREAT

once in awhile. Not as a full blown choice of diet.
I knew I needed to find a balance. Just not a diet. A new lifestyle, something that fits ME.

So too make myself come to terms with cravings and my morals I started getting into the free-range or organic meat( now this has been a year or so now). It did help me to know these cows, pigs and chickens lived decent lives, they ate what they were supposed to, did not sit in their own filth and were not transported in hazard condtions and then killed inhumanely.

You think bad slaughterhouses are the minor?

Read " Slaughterhouse"

You will see that what once was a prized job, workers were well trained and it was done slower and they could do it properly has now been turned into a  dangerous, under paid, under trained, disgusting and dangerous job. With the meat companies slaughtering 1,000 cows an HOUR. How can that be done correctly at that rate? So sadly our "good" slaughterhouses are in the minor. '

I hate that thought.

So back onto my babbling!

For me it helped to do the organic/free range meat/ meatless monday's/ grow my own veggies/ cut down on waste with taking mesh bags for produce, my own jars for meat and cheese, cloth bags for shopping, even at malls and other small changes. 

Last week though, after finishing " Skinny Bitch" I started to think, maybe I should not eat meat at all? That I still had too high of a content of items in my diet that contain high fructose corn sryup. Could I do a vegan diet/lifestyle. I am not sure if I could forever. But I wanted to feel as clean and as great inside my body as the authors said you would.

So here is my latest change, The one I wanted to kinda track on here.

I am, along with my husband and two of our friends, are doing a fruit fast for three days. This is to cleanse our body, get ready for the no animal products of any kind and no HFCS. Clean and Organic for

TWO WHOLE WEEKS

So I hope if you have tried stuff like this before, are doing it, hate it, love it whatever your thoughts, that you will join me, you will give me advice. But please know if you are just outright rude I won't publish the comment. So join me  tommorow. I'll let you read about Fruit Fast Day One

Thank you for reading my babble entry here. I just have been slowly making changes to my lifestyle, my carbon foot print for the past two years and kind of just threw them all in a jumble. I am not perfect and still am making changes and trying to let go of certain things. Below are some things I am still work ing on doing and hope to one day complete

* No longer use any plastic containers( I have reduce them by more than half, but still have some mixing bowls and such that are the plastic)
* No longer buy bottle water( I cut it by 90%, but still once a month end up buying one when out on the road)
* Carpool to work two weeks out of the month( my husband and I work different times, so trying to get this in more)
* Turn the water off during showers when am not fully standing in it. Examples : lathering hair up, shaving legs.( I do this every once in awhile not enough to fully impact my water consumpation)
* In Europe we have a drier that is a condesationation one, so it collects the water and you dump it out. I want to get better(the whole family has to do it too) to where we save that water in a bucket and water the grass outside with it. It is clean water.( We do it maybe once or twice a month, small change but want to do it everytime)


Do you have anything you are working on? Any other things you think I can do?

~Hugs~

Bridgette

Thinking

I sometimes think.

har. har. har.

That is for all of you that thought

"don't hurt yourself"

anyways I have been thinking that I think too much.

Contradiction?

Um. Yes I would agree with that.

But hear me out.

I feel I get lost up in my head. I think too much, make too many plans, too many lists that need to be checked off.

I have so much on my plate, constantly adding more "scoops" onto the overflowing amount of things on it and well. I get stuck up there. Thinking, sorting, trying to make a plan, get it worked out.

So new plan.

Think a little. Live a lot.

~Bridgette~

Food For Thought and then Talk....

Do you feel you "think" too much?