Why?

Before I start this blog, first off to those that read this and do not know me...I am a Christian, I have been since I was little. I believe in the bible, god, and that Jesus is our Savior. BUT I also believe in other things so this blog is just be expressing my thoughts on it.

Why does anything bad or good in your life have to be "god's Way"?? Have you ever stopped to realize, he has given us the "free will" for a reason? Why can you not just say I DID THAT, something good happened to me cause of my hard work, cause I DESERVE IT. Yes praying makes you feel better, yes God can give you strength..BUT SERIOUSLY...HE GOT YOU THE PROMOTION? Everything in the world and it was his divine intervention to help you get it out of the 10 people going for it? I know that sounds callus and UN-christian to some. I welcome your thoughts but at the same time I feel like saying "Stuff It". to many people are judgmental based on the sole reason of their faith. So sorry that you think it was all him that got you that job However- I think he has other things to do. I think he listen to us all the time, I think he gives us strength when we ask for it. I just do not think he will fix everything for you, that he is the reason for any bad in your life. Cause it was in his plan.People use religion as an excuse for everything....the big one being war. I am sick of it, it is there to help you, to let you learn and grow and COME BACK TO HIM. That is why we are here people. That is why he had his son die for us. So we could go back to him one day. To choose a life of good, to do the things he has put before us to do and not to do. Before that we couldn't, we only went to Paradise. Now that is just my personal outtake on it. I am not a church going christian anymore for the very reason that I think every church has it wrong. I do think they have some things right, I believe that they have good intentions but I love what Jesus Christ said" Where two or more people gather in my name, THAT is MY CHURCH".. SO when priest, pastors etc..tell us to GO EVERY WEEK, OR YOU ARE SINFUL, YOU MUST GO TO MASS AND REPENT, TO PAY THEIR CHURCH ...um NO THANK YOU. I will read the bible, I will pray to god, I will discuss it with MY HUSBAND, my friends, my family. I am not giving more money to some church so they can choose to do with it what they will. I help gods creatures MYSELF. I donate my time to volunteer at animal shelters I donate money to homeless people ALL THE TIME, I will go volunteer at a woman's shelter, homeless shelter that way I know I am doing what I am supposed. I am doing what god has given me the strength to do. I don't need to put everything that happens from my choices on him, I don't have to go to a church every week to feel like a better Christian.

Why am I so against it? Well it is not that I am against for everyone. Just myself...you see I can not stand hypocrites. I went to a Baptist Church and the Ladder Day Saints(Mormon) Church the most growing up. I have been to others Lutheran, Catholic(Oh don't worry I will get to THEM in a moment) Presbyterian, etc...I preferred Baptist and at the time I needed something to give a positive light in my life that my mom would let me attend. Well the Mormon church was the answer. I lived in Utah from 8yrs old to 18yrs old. With two years during that back in Alaska cause of well..that could be another 20 blogs. So anyways at 13 I got into the Mormon church because well they are everywhere in Utah, Seriously......like 7-Elevens.(which I miss)..soo from that time till I left Alaska and lived in Utah the Mormon church was a good thing for myself and my family. I do not believe what they do but when you are younger they don't really get into all the funny sounding, 9 Earths, you will be a God, 3 different levels of heaven shit. They gave me something positive to do when I was growing up, they were there for me to go to get our rent paid, and a food order when we needed it. Those who know me know how my mom is. They made me see other family's being stable, being with family was not always drama, bad violent things. I loved the people at my Ward. I still pray for those people, and I know they will go to Heaven. I looked up to them. Still do this day they are some of the most honest, dependable people I have the blessing to meet.....it is just that..Well if God judges that you are good enough for heaven..why would he say you are good enough to go here...but not here?

Now add on to that I believe in other worlds, universes, possibly demisions and I think the Big Bang makes great sense. I am lucky to have friends from all faiths and walks of life. To me as long as you believe in something greater than you and try to be a good, decent, helpful person. Well that is good right? That should be enough. Regardless if you go to Church every week you will still be judge in the next life whatever you deem that to be for you.

So when I watch the news, read books, talk to people and I see the horrible things being done in the name of religion. It upsets me. When I see people looking their noses down at others for no other reason that because of THEIR FAITH they think they are better. UGH I COULD SLAP THEM. When I hear that the Catholic Higher Ups Arch Bishops or whatever choose that the 7 Deadly Sins needed to be added too? Mmmk..wtf? That they take child molesters and move them to another parish, state, Church whatever they call it. Just because they have been a Priest for so long? That everyone is human? Yeah I am human and I never try to damage a young one because someone above me has restricted my normal, healthily sexual urges. So I take them out on the closet thing. CHOIR BOYS....ewww I want to go scrub my skin thinking of men like that. I know, I know women do that stuff to. But they are not in the Catholic church are they? That the largest land owner in the world is the CATHOLIC CHURCH??

Soo before I piss of my Catholic friends I think the member, the believers in the faith are not wrong. They are the good decent people that want to attend mass, that give money to the poor. I just think the higher workings are becoming corrupted. You then turn to the Middle East where all that destruction is being done in the name of Allah, of God. It has been for thousands of years and will continue to be right?


Do you see why I feel the need to rant a bit on this subject? I get so confused by it all. It makes you want to throw your hands in the air and beg for a sign. At least to me. Now do not think I am saying church goers are bad. I like to go every once in awhile..I just do not believe in Organized Religion..it is made by man and man is faulty. I would like to leave that all between me and my savior. I think my savior, my god is happy with my life. He sees my good choices and remembers the bad ones. That he knows when I am truly sorry for something I did and felt that was wrong. I do not think it is okay to commit the same thing over and over again and be okay cause I told Priest and Said Hail Mary's. Nah he knows when you are truly repenting.

Okay so another thing that confuses me..what about Jehovah Witnesses? Why do they go door to door, try to get more members in. They believe only 100,000 are going to heaven right? That he has not come yet? Sooo why get more people? Why would you become a member of that church cause only a handful are going compared to the world population? I do not know enough about the faith to get in to much detail but it just confuses me a Lil. Any Jehovah Witness's read this please educate me I welcome it.

Well I think the wind is truly out of sails now. Which is a good thing. I just got a little angry a few weeks ago. I waited to post this but I think I will just do it.

I hope that some of this makes sense, I guess I will just post it and come back to it. I just got a Lil miffed by the fact that someone died..and I was told " It was gods will".... I do not believe that...he did not intend for one of his children to be brutally attacked. It was evil, it was a human choosing evil, he took his free will and used it badly. God only was there waiting for the victim with open arms. So in ending...I hope that god, Jesus Christ my Savior is in my life each day, there is so much that I could not have done without him, he has brought peace and strength, a direct path to my life when I needed it most. I am not a good enough person yet for heaven. I have asked him into my life, I pray everyday...I just think that he has people who need him more and has given me the strength in the past so he wants me to use that now. Does that make sense? Did I offend you? If so I am sorry...it just every where you look you get the extremists who just make you kinda wanna rip your hair out..... That is my thought...Give me yours. Please