Wednesday, December 1

Wishful Wednesday's

I find it quite fitting that I am writing my FIRST "daily" Wishful Wednesday's post on the FIRST day of December. Which I think is a perfect month to have some of those materialistic wants actually filled.

Today is not an external wishful thinking or wanting on my part.
I mean for the most part.

have you guys already decorated for Christmas? Playing the music? I TOTALLY am. I looove this time of year. Just because I think it is the one time a year that people try harder to be nicer, to give more to organizations that need it all year. Basically just a time of year that I wish we could have and act like through out the rest of the year. I  love doing the Sub for Santas, or whatever your mall, childs school or church might call it. One because several years growing up, would not have had a Christmas if my mom had not signed us up for it. So I always try to pay it forward or back.=) The baking, the smell of cinnamon and pine in my house. The lights, the snow, the music. I like some new versions. I have to admit, I am an oldies gal. Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Elvis, Alvin and Chimpmunks..what?? They are oldies and classical.=)

Anways here is to the countdown and to WISHING you a very happy week, a WONDEFUL start to the month. On with my post


the whole month off so I can bake everyday and sit in front of the fire with a good book
being near to my family and my dear friends that are pretty much like family
the smell of pine to stay in my house
that the little snow we have here will get a bit deeper and stay
motivation to be in the gym and watch what i eat..besides watching it go in my mouth.=)
to find a shelter or foster home or something for us to go donate our time to this Christmas season and show my siblings that live with me how BLESSED we are.

So that is pretty much what I am wishing for...

What are YOU wishing for?

Monday, November 15

100th POST!!!!


100 posts.

I love it.

Plus since it is the first in my new "series".. today being Monday..

So it is


I felt like just showing what has been on my "ear"

Yep my EAR

As in New Music
(to me anyways)

 Love Song

I heard them, not sure where last week, I just can not remember where...(okay FINE on Vampire Diaries that I watch with my yonger sister, to my credit I read the books when I was in jr. high so I owe it to myself to follow through with the series.)

Colours Fade
Light it Up
I wish I Was Someone Better

I just found them randomly on good ole you tube. I really like there style. Plus any group that has a female rocking the guitar, bass or drums, I always end up liking it. I guess cause I have always admired women who can play those instruments since I woudl love to play those.

What has been on your "ear"?
I love to share music.

Have a good week!!!
I have give Mondays a new chance, I usually want to break up with him to go on to his better looking brother Tuesday, I mean we all want to be with the cream of the crop, Saturday and Sunday. But they are always busy right?


Thursday, October 14


Thoughts blocked in my mind,
fingers refuse to type what is needed,
mind races with thoughts that are not what is needed,
useless babble playing round and round on the merry go round in the head
feelings of happiness, anxiety, rejection, hopefullness jumping on and off the ride at randomness

What is really needed?

a steady hand with a straight and narrow path being walked in the head, fingers that will type what is needed

The sound of the constant chatter to cease, to not feel the need to always say something and then the mind on the merry go round wondering about others thoughts

say no to temptations that are bad for me, to be to focus on my goals and be healthly.
(step away from the ice cream and GO TO THE GYM type of stuff)

finish the lists I make

Just some things I am thinking all the while I should be typing in word, I have more than half of my paper left on Afterlife, a research paper, how do you prove afterlife? You can't. You can prove that people believe in it and in many different versions. But afterlife that is all based on faith. I am tackling it from christian(since that is what I am) atheisit and the Hinduism version. The research was fun, thought provoking now I need to write it, not be writing here at almost 2am. UGH. The life of a college student eh?

Oh also what should I do for my 100th post?

Monday, October 4


We have been without internet for two weeks....yes TWO WEEKS, well almost. I have been having to go to the library to do my school work and try to respond to emails. So got it up today, after the tech guy came out who fixed it after 3hrs of cussing and up and downstairs?

Love you if you said me...=)

But no, my hubby.

So for last 2hrs have been overdose'n on email, blogs, articles and facebook. So now going to watch a tv show I missed and hit the hay.

I just wanted to put that out there, we are weak in this household. LOL, seriously I had the shakes. The internet is my newsource, music, tvshows, friends, school etc etc....I possibly can not live without it.


Thursday, September 16


Hey y'all, I was just sitting over here in the ever falling rain of the Belgian fall and thinking of making some changes. I want to be able to post more frequently but, with my home life, school and work it is diffcult to do so randomly through out the week. Unless I make a theme, something I can set up ahead of time, schedule to post on certain days and then still when the mood strikes me, post a random update or whatever I am feeling.

So was thinking.... I had to be careful here, can not hurt myself right? =)

Manic Monday's: This can be random, whatever I want, what happened over the weekend, a new song, poem, funny story whatever I want

Tasty Tuesday's: I post a new thang I have cooked, an old favorite, a new recipe I have found but not tried. Will include pictures and what directions I followed or the mixings I just threw together

Wishful Wednesdays: could be internal wishing, a new pair of shoes, some items catching my eye, a dream I want to follow. Just wishful things.

Thankful Thursday: People and events I am thankful for, could be my husband, my friends, the person that let me in front of them at the checkout that week.=) Just all about being thankful. might even get deeper with a roof over my head, health care etc etc. Just thankful

and that is as far as I got...=)_

But just wanted to throw that out there, that is what I was thinking of changing up a bit.


Well my life is all of that lately, I am going out tommorow night, girls night. Should be a blasty blast. But got to get going, I have a mid-term today, then the gym, then a doc appt, might be real wild and get my eyebrows waxed.=)


Saturday, August 28

Just You

Alaskan country to the core

Best friend and the greatest of souls

Funny drunk

Had love for all things Dodge or Polaris

Sweetest of men


Off key singer, yet still the best seranade I ever had.

Full of dreams and goals

Always had that little smirk of a smile and laugh that used your whole face

Never one to not say " hey dude"

Good mommas boy and not in the bad  or creepy way, the that is love and respect way.

Best of older brothers

Blue eyes that looked at me and really saw me

His first lover

My first love

Deeply missed

Never completly gone

Life is cherished

Blessed to have known him

Would have loved to see what else he would do and become

A small poem....


will I see your smiling face,

will I feel your strong firm embrace.

will I wish upon the starry skies,

will I gaze into your loving eyes.

will I feel your warm lips upon mine,

will my eyes sparkle and shine.

the streets your feet will roam,

Because Our Lord and Savior decided to take you Home.

~ These are just a few things that come to mind when I think of  you, we think of you often, most especially this day, we hope you are watching us and our proud. We are love you, we miss you and we will see you one day again~

Dustin Lee Gard

May 1982- August 2001

Some words.

Why is there this need on this day, that I feel the need to write? It is not as if  you or those events that occured on this day 9 years ago never cross my mind at times through out the rest of the year.
But it just something about this day, that makes me feel I have to write.


 To say hello? To let you know you are still in my heart, that we all miss you? To try to find a song or the words to let you know your death was not in vain? Is it to show other people that even though I moved on, I have a heart and not to think that I never loved you? To make myself feel better, to get these memories, good and horribly horribly bad down on paper or computer screen?


I think it is all of the above.

I do talk to you sometimes, I do wonder if we would have stayed together, would you have proposed to me 3 days later like you were going to, would I have said yes? If we didn't would we have stayed friends? I hope so to all of that in a way.

Since I do talk and I hope you listen, since I believe in that sort of thing. You know you are still in my heart, you are/were such a gentle soul, so corny and funny. You are deeply missed. Probally not even the most by me. You were an Alaskan country boy to the core. Your love err...more like obession for your truck was endearing and amusing at the same time.

Over the years I have found several songs to go towards how I feel/felt and to find the words for me about your death, here are some of them.

I too, in a selfish way want others to know I think about you on this day. I hope too that you were upset with those that could not see me "move on". That so rudely ended their friendship, if I even had one for reals with them to begin with. I mean 11 months is too soon? We knew each other in school, had been friends for months before we dated and then we dated for 7 months. We were 19, the whole world ahead of us and I was supposed to end my life? Have my heart die with you? A part of it did.  I just find it so un fair the words that were said about me. I am so confused as to how I dishonored your memory. I hope you don't think so?

Memories. Sigh. The memories, there was a time that no good ones were there, the darkness that was in my mind and soul overpowered the good times we had. My mind replayed the night over and over again, trying to find a solution or another event that did not end up with my scars, physical and emotional, most importantly did not end up with you dead. That darkness started to spread too far, I had to stop it. The hospital vists and surgery after surgery did not help the light I was seeking to find me.

I broke down so many times, tried so hard to be normal, party, laugh, live...tried so hard to sleep at night, not to be so afraid to even use the bathroom with out the door locked. Tried so hard, that some thought it did not affect me, some thought I got over it quickly. Did they not see that was part of getting over it? Did they not see the shadows in my eyes, the desperatness in my smile? The lies in my laughs? Am I that good of an actress.

But in the end I am thankful for the battle I survived and it took a bit for me to get there, to be able to say that. I will always wonder why me? Why not him? Could he be further in life than I right now? To be fair, I am not where I wanted to be at 28, career wise. However, I can not change that, it is how it is. So I have to look at my scars and be thankful I still have my arm, eye and knee. I have to deal with the times a shadow at night or a sound makes my heart pump quick and hard and the lose of sleep that night occurs. Be thankful that I have the abilty to be scared and be thankful that no one will ever get in my house and put my life in their hands again. ever.

Sometimes this "pep" talk would work,  others just empty thoughts and words to attempt to make my guilt and pain seem less.

It is weird that last year, I thought of you, wrote some words, but was okay.

This year. not so. It has been a rough week. Maybe it was from the pictures, the slideshow, it brought your face back right in front of my brain and thoughts. The good times right there in the front, which then brought the bad. Nightmares every night this week, un able to sleep till daylight, calling into my work and being sad. I had hoped those affects were done with.


this is a depressing post

I do not want that to be, I am in love, deeply with a man that I only allowed myself to start to fall in love with because of the love you gave me, the relationship we had. Thank you

I have made wonderful friends and have tons of pictures, because of our friendship and lack of pictures of our moments, I feel I cherish them all more, because of you. the loss of you. Thank you.

I have seen different countries, cultures and cherished it and lived it. Because of you.

So know that it was not your time, nothing will ever make it completly right, but your death was not in vain, those horrible moments in that event will have some sort of postive effect. Know that I am that much stronger, appriecative and more open to new things, because of your death.

Dustin, you are missed and today that longing to see you is that much stronger. That is all the reasons why I want to write on this day.


Thursday, August 26

Live. Love. Laugh.

This is "my life currently"

I wanted to get everyone caught up on my summer and the what nots of my life right now

* summer camp is as hard and fun as they all said it would be

* Italy was amazing, hot weather, hot shoes, hot people, Pisa? Overrated, but this lil ole' Alaskan is thankful I saw it

* I removed mother from her postion, she is now ole'womb, that happens when you can not call your child(ren) back after 3 months.

* I realized I read a bunch of fluff, so going to start to read more substance, like twinkies vs. brocoli

* I failed my shopping ban, going to try again in Sept or Oct. Summer just has too many good deals

* I miss the mountains

* I have the best, without a doubt husband ever

* turning 28 is not something I wanted to do, I like the sound of 27 better, but now that I am here, I will live.

* i can not find my ipod. i am dying, really. i might need to buy a new one. it was 5 years old. but ipod? Where art thou? i need you

* has fallen in love with ice cream again, hot days do that to you

* misses my girlfriends in the states, Belgium is changing so much for me, i am trying to focus on travel, but i am someone who likes to be alone, but not feel lonely. if that makes sense?

* has become hooked on DIY blogs, can not wait to move back to the states with all the thrift store finds from Europe and make a home finally. hopefully

* Is torn between wanting to stay overseas.

* is super excited about my fall classes for school.

* fell off the diet wagon, now i am chasing it right now, maybe tommorow i will get on it again


Tuesday, July 6

Tour de France

I have never really been into the sport.

Seen the clips on tv of LANCE ARMTSTRONG and the USA team in it.

But, we had the privelage of it coming through our local town, it has not passed through Belgium for 6yrs now.


To see how fast they go, to experience the fans, the waiting...OH the waiting.=)

It was worth it, so how many Americans can say they have seen the Tour de France FIRST HAND??

This one can.

Friday, June 18


Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly, far far away.
- Jenny, played by Robin Wright Penn, in Forest Gump,1994

I want to be free
Free to live Life
Live, Love and Laugh
Freedom from this self made

I read these blogs about un-schooling their children, no plastic, homemade everything, live in a RV and travel the country. Just live. It is all about you, God, family and country.


Smiley face is how those thoughts make me feel.

how could I do that though??

The thought of no bills, besides what it just costs you to live? Freedom
Work when you need it, not for someone else? Freedom
Debt? Nope. Freedom
Restrictions? no. Freedom
Timeline? Only what YOU WANT it to be. Freedom.

I want that. right now.


Wednesday, June 16

100 Before 100

*Updated 12th, Jan 2017*

This little...err long thing? Is the list of things, wishes, wants, travels, feelings and events that I want to do, see, make, have etc etc..Before I am 100.

Now right now I am only, scroll down and you will see.


I will come back, put what is completed, when it is completed and then will also add the new things I want to add.

So check it out. Let me know what you think. If you like it Check it ever so often if you want.

Also I CHALLENGE YOU to do something similar, if not a 100, consider just doing 50 or 25. But to really think of things you want to achieve someday, is not as easy as you think. I had had many “is it list worthy"? Thoughts and had to narrow it down. Is this something that would enrich my life in some way? To some it might not, but to me these things will. So do something similar and then let me know if you do.

Also, the placement in the list has nothing to do with the placing in my heart. Just random, written down as they came/come to me.



1. Be the best mother I can be
2. Skydive
3. Take a five different dance classes. To learn different styles.
4. Swim with dolphins
5. Learn another language
6. Make homemade Ice Cream
7. Travel to Greece* Completed July 2011- Santorini, Athens and Mykonos
8. Go to the top of the Eifel Tower
9. Bungee jump
10. Save up and buy my OWN new car
11. Get my BA (would be the first in family)
12. Be in two places at once
13. Take a pottery class
14. Go parasailing
15. 4-wheel in Jamaica
16. Witness a miracle
17. Go on a cross Atlantic cruise
18. See the Mona Lisa in person.* completed Jan 17, 2009
19. Visit Yellowstone
20. Go to Niagara Falls
21. See a silent movie, in a theatre
22. Make homemade butter
23. Do an unselfish act (those who know me say I have done this, but it was a little bit for me too, but its close)
24. Take a cooking course/class
25. Go to Stonehenge *completed August 2012
26. Go see a live NFL Denver Broncos game
27. Run a FULL marathon
28. Learn to ice fish
29. Go on the London Eye *completed Oct 2011
30. Visit the Opera House in Sydney, Australia
31. Visit the Pyramids of Giza
32. Really, truly 100% forgive someone( we all have before BUT do you still feel resentment? Think of it? I want to forgive and truly let go...)
33. Ride one of the rides on top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas * Completed OCT 2006- Two of them
34. Volunteer at a shelter, once a month or more. For a whole year (I did it before but not for a whole year)
35. Read to the elderly, once a month or more.for a whole year
36. Ski in Aspen, CO
37. Swim with stingrays (in Bahamas)

38. Learn to play an instrument (decently)
39. Make a quilt/blanket, from my own hands
40. Watch my children graduate from high school
41. Bench press 100lbs (I made it to 90 once)
42. Visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa *completed August 2010
43. Go to Spain *completed April 2010- Barcelona, Lloret de Mar and Tossa de Mar
44. Sing karaoke in public, a whole song, by myself
45. See the Cherry Blossom trees in bloom, in Japan
46. Visit the Red Light District in Amsterdam
47. Go to the tallest building in the world (it changes so depending on the year I do it.)
48. Own my own home
49. Walk in the house of Anne Frank *completed Nov 2008
50. Have a 15yr wedding anniversary and re-new vows
51. Visit the White House in D.C
52. See England’s Crown jewels
53. See the Sixtieth Chapel
54. Visit Scotland
55. Visit Dublin, Ireland *completed March 2009
56. Hold one of my great grandchildren
57. Make homemade jam
58. Go on a trip across the whole lower 48 in an RV, in a year.

59. See the Grand Canyon
60. Celebrate New Year's in Time Square, NY
61. Learn a second foreign language
62. Actually finish a scrapbook, from start to finish( have plenty half done)
63. Meet my first born son, DRB.
64. See the volcanoes in Hawaii, from the sky.
65. Take a picture with Marilyn Monroe’s star
66. Go to Disneyland
67. Go on a hike through the Swiss Alps
68. Take an art class
69. Grow a plant from a seed.* Completed August 2011(sunflowers, three kinds)
70. Eat a famous Chicago pizza  *completed April 2015 (Gino's East)
71. Go to a MLB game, preferably Cubs, Red Sox or Yankees (don’t know why)
72. Visit Mount Rushmore
73. Celebrate Mardi Gras, in New Orleans
74. Make a difference in someone's life( know I did because THEY tell me)
75. Take a trapeze class
76. Go to Prague, Czech Republic
77. Visit Budapest, Hungary *completed August 2012
78. Go on a cruise.*Completed July 2011-Mediterean Cruise
79. Read a 100 books in one year(working on it)
80. See a live taping of a TV show (talk show works too)
81. Go to a Broadway show. *Completed Oct 2011, Legally Blonde in London.
82. Learn and create my family tree, at least 10 generations back
83. Save someone, from themselves, someone else...
84. Visit Easter Island
85. Go to Fuji
86. Go to Bora Bora
87. Visit New Zealand
88. Go a Christmas Season and get no presents and buy no presents, Experience what it is meant to be.(this will be very hard) *completed Dec 2016 (it was hard, but keeping up traditions helped ie; homemade hot chocolate, watching a movie every day etc)
89. Get my Masters Degree
90. Own an old classic Car. Preferably 67 Mustang, 78 Nova, 70 series Camerao or Challenger
91. Learn a fighting or self defense style(thinking krav maga)
92.Mail everything on time for a whole year(birthday cards, packages etc..anyone who knows me knows I am HORRIBLE at buying and then it sitting in a box or envolope and not addressed or mailed)


100 in 365 Challenge # 1

I have copied a dear friend of mine in her goal of reading 100 books in 12 months. I know I read a lot, but what type of books do I mostly turn too? How many books do I read in a month? Are there certain months that I read more in?

I would love to learn these things.

So I will be adding to this entry throughout the year. I will have a link in the sidebar.

Wish Me Luck!

I tried I really did, if I could count textbooks or magazines I could get a good twenty more into my total.
I failed.
I missed my goal by a few
okay more than
a few.
But it was fun.
This quest and love for reading has made me step out of my typical norm
has me even in a book club.(met some wicked neat ladies from it)

 So I will try again. Going from August 2011-August 2012
Check out the second attempt and it's book list over here.
Otherwise check out the list below for some good reads!

May 2010

1. Laura K. Hamilton,  Danse Macabre, # 14 in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series.
2. Maureen Child, The Last Lone Wolf, book in the " Kings of California" series.

June 2010

1. Nora Roberts, Savor the Moment, Book three in the " Bride Quartet" series.
2. Laura K. Hamilton, Blue Moon, Book eight in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series.

July 2010

1. Anne Rice, Angel Time, Book One

August 2010

1. Johanna Lindsey,  That Perfect Someone, Malory family series
2. Lisa Jackson, Without Mercy
3.Kirsten Miller, The Eternal Ones
4. Tess Gerristen, Ice Cold,  Rizzilo and Isles novel
5. Julia James, His Penniless Beauty
6. J.R Ward, Dark Lover, Black Dagger Brotherhood Book One
7. Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises


1. J.R Ward,"Lover Eternal", Black Dagger Brotherhood,
2 Charlene Harris. Dead to the World, Sookie Stackhouse series, Book Four     
3.Charlene Harris, Dead as a Doornail, Sookie Stackhouse series, Book Five
4,Charlene Harris, From Dead to Worse, Sookie Stackhouse series, Book Eight
5. Charlene Harris, Dead and Gone, Sookie Stackhouse series, Book Nine
6. Charlene Harris, Dead in the Family, Sookie Stackhouse series,Book Ten


1. Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief, Book One
2. Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Titans Curse, Book Two

( Oct was a low month for me was taking three classes so most of my reading was a textbook. But I read these books with my little sister and they are cute and fun. It was a decent read and a great bonding tool)


1. Christine Feehan, Dark Slayer, Carpthain Novel, Book Twenty
2.Christine Feehan, Dark Fire, Carpthain Novel, Book Six
3.Christine Feehan, Dark Guardian, Carpthain Novel, Book Nine
4. Laura K. Hamilton, Guilty Pleasures,Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book One
5.Laura K. Hamilton, The Laughing Corpse, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Two


1. Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
2. Debbie Macomber, Christmas in Cedar Cove
3.Barb and C.J Hendee  ,Through Stone and Sea, Book Eight in the Noble Dead Series
4. Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labrythin, Book Three
5. Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian, Book Four


1. Nora Roberts, Vision in White, Book One in Bride Quartet,
2. Nora Roberts, Happy Ever After, Book Four in Bride Quartet,
3. Nora Roberts, Bed of Roses, Book Two in Bride Quartet,
4. Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven


1.Kathryn Stockett, The Help(Book Club)
2. Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home
3. MaryJanice Davidson,Undead and Unwed, Bestsy Taylor Series, Book One
4.MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unemployed, Bestsy Taylor Series, Book Two
5.MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Underappriecated, Bestsy Taylor Series, Book Three
6.MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular, Bestsy Taylor Series, Book Four
7. MaryJanice Davidson,Undead and Unfinished, Bestsy Taylor Series, Book Nine

March 2011

1. Sara Gruen,Water for Elephants(Book Club)
2.Jane Feather, To Wed a Wicked Prince
3.Laura K Hamilton, Circus of the Damned,Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Three
4.Laura K. Hamilton,The Lunatic Cafe, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Four

April 2011

1. Eric Schlosser, Fast Food Nation:The Darkside to the All American Meal(Book Club)
2. Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin, Skinny Bitch
3.  Gail A. Eisnitz,Slaughter House: The shocking Story of greed, neglect and inhumane treatment inside the U.S Meat Industry
4.Laura K Hamilton, Bloody Bones,Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Five
5.Laura K Hamilton,The Killing Dance, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Six

May 2011

1. Tatiana de Rosnay, Sarah's Key(Book Club)- started end of May/Finished in June
2.Laura  K, Hamilton, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, Book Seven
3.Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave, Night Huntress Series, Book One.
4.Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave,Night Huntress Series, Book Two


Sunday, June 13

Be thankful for what you are missing?

" Be thankful for what you have: you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough"

-Oprah Winfrey

" If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things that are missing. If you don't have love in your life, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."

-Ann Landers

These two quotes found me at two different times, yet carry the basic message. Be thankful for the now, quit fretting about the past. Be happy with your life, not look for something that is better. I have some friends going through some rough patches in many different parts of their very different lives. But I just want to share these two quotes with all of them.

You are a strong, amazing woman, you can get past this, you have had worse? Right? Do not let this be the thing that breaks you. If you break, just know I will be there to help pick up the pieces. Do not be ashamed for these feelings, you are still you and YOU are FANTASTIC!!

Thursday, June 3

Food Inc.

Well, well, What to say. Now I know what all the hype had been from some friends. I will never eat Tyson chicken again, corn fed cows caused ecolia to become stronger?? Okay now have to check my meat. Lucky me I live in Europe so I have access to real bread, normal grass fed cows etc. But I still love my American food. I will just have to do research more on some brands to not use.
If you do not want your fav foods to make your stomach turn or have your food bill doubled cause you buy more fresh and healthy instead of " cheap" DO NOT watch Food Inc.
If you want to learn a whole hell of a lot of crap, have something kinda force you to change your eating habits, or just to scoff at it. Watch it.
Other than that, go to my shoeblog. Check out some recent purchases. While you do that I am going to put some sublock on and soak up the warmth outside.

Friday, May 28

6am..You're ugly..but not today!

Normally I do not like you, I have broken up with my alarm clock for waking me up to you.
I have wanted to break up with you too....
But not today...
A good tune or two from Nekko Case, a yummy smelling and tasting cup of half French Vanilla and Chocolate Truffle coffee and the 3 kiddos not being grumpy and all smiling really made me like you a bit more.
What really did it?
That amazing sun, the light wind blowing my windcharms, the birds chirping and seeing the clear blue sky after two days of craptastic clouds.
So okay 6am, we can re-think our relationship...but if you get all moody and take away my sunshine...well then you will join the alarm clock in the " has-been's" of my life.
* I wish that could really be done..anything you don't like in life you can break up with it.=)
Happy Friday to y'all. Enjoy your 3 or 4 day weekend, I get just a normal weekend. My hubby and I work on Shape, which being an international base....means we do not get most American hoilday's off unless we want to put in for a day off. We do get Belgian holiday's off though. I just will miss, once again, the lively American pride and the bbqs of this Memorial Day. I thank you my own dear sweet soilder and all those that I know. Their sacrfices, the old ones, the current ones and the ones that will join in the future. We can hate the war, but should ALWAYS love the American Warrior.
I just wish we all, even myself, could take the time to be more thankful that just in May and Sept.

Friday, May 14

#$@^! YOU Fairy

That's right I am mad at a fairy..

Which one?

The one none of us like, the sickness fairy, that little hefer came and beat me with her wand of germs.

Your parents never read you that bedtime story? She is not a very well liked fairy.

I would feel bad for her, if she did not make me sick.

All this week I have been sick...

Monday and Tuesday- Swollen throat and painful to talk-which for normal people sucks, for someone with the motor skills I have?? Devastating!!

Weds- I think I can talk, so I do. It just makes me sound like Rejected wanna-be Tara Reid.

Thurs- Start coughing up nasty yet sexy stuff. Oh joy!

Friday- Same

* I miss the kids at my work, I want to talk normal, I have lots of reading on blogs to catch up on and posting some Spain pics, some recent shoe pics etc. I am so lacking.

So I will try next week.


Have a good weekend you healthly brats!


Monday, April 12


Spain in a few short words in a few short mins I have.

-Crazy Memories
-Even Sunblock did not prevent my white skin from getting pink
-Glass bottom boat tour in the Meditrrean?? Amazing
-HIking through Roman Ruins...spectactular
-Not having to work for a week? Priceless!!
-Once again seeing how crazy the brits can get....funny

I will be writing some more soon and posting some pictures.


Tuesday, March 23

Disney knows

" The very things that held you down are going to carry you up"
Want to guess what that is from?
That is right, beloved DUMBO.
Yesterday we hit the 6 month mark of getting guardianship of the 3 kiddos. Boy is it getting rougher, there is part of me that says that is because they feel safe, know they are loved etc. But there is another part that says they are brats and I am running out of patience. In the 6 months my husband and I have gone out, with out them 1x in Oct, 1x in Jan and now 1x in March. I realized that is NOT A GOOD IDEA.
So we have choosen to have date night once a month, with one girl night and one guy night. That gives us 2 breaks a month and allows us both to have 1 on 1 time with the kids too.
So yeah, this quote from DUMBO, really sits with me this week.
Happy SPRING to you all.

Wednesday, March 17

Just breathe...

To think that this time last year, we were in Dublin, Ireland.


NOT this year. Not for who knows how long will we just go on a random trip and let loose.
We do not need to party or anything all the time. Just saying that these past two weeks, realized exactly what we got ourselves into, or what I got us into. I love my siblings, with all my heart and more. BUt I know now, I bit of more than I can chew.

Soo I am telling myself

Bubble Baths..and just breathe....

Happy St. Patty's Day to anyone who is " Irish for the day" or like me Irish by ancestors.

Sunday, March 14

Why hello stranger..Where ya been??

" Hello, where have you been?"
" Deep inside, hiding, thank you for letting me out"
That was how the conversation in my head with myself went. Err
Well not completly, just trying to make the opening sentence a bit witty, I am not CRAZY or nothing, well never certifited that is.=)
But I did look in the mirror the other day and kinda stared, was getting ready, trying to be all sassy and upbeat. I got a new hair cut and color. Isn't it weird how it just makes you want to spend more time getting ready? Well I just sat there and saw the old me, It was peeking out and it was like seeing an old friend. it put a glow to my eyes, I guess I sparkle if you will. I was shocked..I CARED!! I cared what I looked like. Yes I am busy,
with friends mixed in and none of this is a certain rank order or nothing.
But anyways....
I really am DONE being the big girl, I figured for a long time, I am fat, ugly and it does not matter that I look nice.
Boy, was I wrong
It does to one very important and special person
SO what I put on some weight, I am still a pretty and friendly gal
not cocky or anything
I just used to see myself as fiesty, sassy cute gal before
But i did not look that wearing big t-shirts, comfy pants, not doing much with my hair.
I have been trying to look cute, getting told I am "shrinking" or "loovvve your shoes".
( Even though bought all these adorable shoes, i wore them once in awhile. Felt they deserved better or something equal pathetic and lame I put in my head.)
But for the last few weeks, been wearing a new pair a day basically.
I digress as usual
So this is a lil word of the wise for you lovely bloggers and any fellow loosers out there(weight loss)
Did you cheat on you diet? Have a bad day?
Get in a fight? Get a cold, flunk an assignment, just any normal life stress that makes you want to not do anything with youself?
Put on some mascara, maybe just a lil lip gloss,
Wear a smile
Nice pair of shoes, or a sunny and spring colored bag
I for one am huge fan of putting on a song I love and dancing around my house. ALWAYS lifts my spirits.
So this was a quick post, that jumped around. But I just wanted to say hello to that gal peeking through the cracks in this shell I have been wearing and to tell you all out there to do something nice for yourself.

Wednesday, March 3

I have Sinned...

Click this link.and go check out my other blog. I figured it would be know you want tooo...

Monday, March 1

She POPPED it....

Wow, I marched over here to most another entry really quick. Well I did not march, for reals.



London Girl, over at here. Gave me an award.

My first ever.


Thank you, others might not think nothing of an award, But I never got one on my blog.

So no matter why she choose me, she did. So I am thankful.

She popped my cherry, oooh dirty.=)
I found her blog via my lovely Lisa and am thankful I did
You need to go check out London Girl
1. She always has something interesting and witty to say
2. She gets to write about a city I love, I would follow to hear about it even if she was boring
3.You just should, so do it!
Then this is my 80th post. wow. I guess I expected something big for my 80th and I got it. Hmm I should plan a give away or some influential writing for my 100th huh?
Oh that is down the road.
I guess how you do it is by giving it back to people right?? I will come and add to this. Let me think who I want to pass it on too, plus I have homework to do and work to go to.
Check back for an update


The bloggers that I choose are going to be.....

drummmm roooollllllll

1. Lisa over at Love, Lisa

for always leaving comments and taking an interest

2. Georgia over at it's just how I see things

captureing pretty things in in your darkest hours

3. Claire over at Claire B

for always writing beautiful words that just flow with your amazing photos

4. Jamie over at Umbrella Blog

always stopping by to say hello and capturing the right moments on film

5. London over at Blog Fashion

she always inspires me with her amazin taste and ability to pair the right colors

I would like to give it to more girls too, but i will just stick to 5 and will find another award to give to some more people.

Thanks for checking back in.

Loosing, oops, don't mind that.

On the AFN radio station here, they play this commericals about
" Thunder thigh clean up on Aisle 4"
"Don't mind my double chin just landed in your soup"
They are funny and a bit gross.
But I had to post about my loss, my 50LB benchmark weight loss.
I am not sure if I have mentioned my battle with.....ready???
I know we all face it, but I have never really put it out there for everyone to read, to KNOW, that I am one of THOSE people. The dreaded chunky monkey's. People come in all sizes, shapes, lengths, colors etc. However, I am not talking of people that are just naturally a bit bigger, the wonderful but those dreaded, "I can't loose the weight", "I can't help it", not taking care of themselves, to big for their hearts, high blood pressure, stroke waiting to happen type people.
We all can help it, there is a point to were the blame is no ones but ours.
You are strong and beautiful, you can do it.
I believe you can
Cause I did
I feel comfortable saying that cause I was there and am still battling it.
I do not come from a large size family, so genetics is not the cause, even saying that. You can overcome anything, so if genetics is your cause. Do not let it be. Fight it, you want to be happy and healthly, not a certain size. But being 250 plus pounds, out of breath on most things, size 20? We all know that is not happy nor healthly.
I was not at a size 20, but that is cause I was blessed with height. I did however get to a 17/18
How did I get there?
Hardwork at being lazy.
I started off with it being because of a vaild reason, I had medical issues, could not work out gained weight, had PTSD, that caused some more weight gain. But then I had lost 40lbs, I had started my battle. well little did I know what a battle that would be.
Fast Forward almost 4yrs later
I have yo-yo'd with my size, lost and gained, then lost and gained more back.
Up and down in clothes.
I was sad, lazy and stuck
I was in a shell.
August 2009,
My shell broke, That was it.
What was I DOING to my body?
I thankfully did not have high blood pressure, blessed.
I had an overall good cholestrol score, but one of them was high and If I kept it up, the others would follow
I thought how disrespectful am I being?
God let me be born into this marthon running, happy, vital, strong body and it was working hard for me
What was I doing to it?
So I started
Augst 14, 2009 to be exact
As of March 1, 2010
I have lost exactly 50lbs
I am getting there slowly and surely.
I think I will start to write about my struggles, things that worked/working for me, things that didn't etc.
I just had to tell the world...err or my 12 readers. lol
Anyone can do it, I am doing it.
March is off to a grand start.
Happy Monday


Wednesday, February 24

Phew, this is mentally exhausting

So as some of you know, I am currently enrolled at Univeristy. Well I am taking a Sociology class and Writing class this semester. This Sociology class is going to make me want to get fatter than I am.
Hot Fudge Something has been my saying for past few weeks.
Now we all know about some of the horrible stuff that goes on, but I guess I took for granted that it was focused on Social Problems, I thought it would be fun. It is fun, the debates and such. But I just want to eat a hot fudge something every other day. Sunday, for instantce, the day of rest, hot breakfasts, laundry, hang out with the family. Mine was spent researching the disgusting and horrible things going on in the Republic of Congo, and then spent anyalizing it and writing about what the cause is, dysfunctions, objective condtions and subjective views. Phew. I am just mentally exhausting. It happens because these poor, yet strong women are being used as toys, in this pointless war. They are having to watch 6 month old baby girls all the way up to 70 year old grandmothers get, just, I want go into detail, but violated beyond anything I can think of.
Then not to mention the first day of class we talked about aborotion and terrorism.
Man oh man.
That should have warned me right?
Don't get me wrong, in some ways I am 100% enjoying this class, I love my professor, she is one smart cookie of a lady. It is just hard sometimes, to not sit back and think, how did I know this was happening, but not truly realize this before? My mid-term was on homelessness, I knew it was a problem around the world, especially back home in the states, but besides giving them money or donate some time at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving..what do most of us do? NOTHING
Then talking about Gender issues and the on going hate crimes that still happen? Really? With all the crap that happens in this world, all the bad things and the wonderful stuff. We still need to hate someone, ruin their life, if we do not kill them for what? Wanting to be what they feel in their heart they should be? For wanting to be able to be with the man or woman they love? Who are we to judge, we dont. We are not meant to. I certaintly can not fault anyone strong enough to go with their heart.
Oh and race? OMG this is still an issue? FOR REALS? I mean, an issue on such a large social problem scale, some people are ignorant, i guess I just surround myself with open minded people and just see the race as a non issue. I have even been the minority, It is not that big of a deal. People. Come on.
NOw I have to talk about Inmate Partner Violence.
Homelessness was a tiny bit hard, cause in my 8th grade year, my family and I were. But this, Domestic Violence. Wow. Tear my viens open. Re opening the emotional scars. I have to write from a non-subjective view?
I will try
Okay not to be all downer, I am personally doing wonderful. But this class. Boy it is just gets to me sometimes
on a happier note...
37 DAYS!!
Oh and I also got alllll my retail therapy in the mail finally, well except the face stuff from Oh well though.
So soon on my other blog I will get some pictures of my feet in the shoes, not that it really makes a difference, just shows the shoes on me. Maybe once I get back to the "old me size" I will make it a fashion blog too. Not sure though. For now it will just stay on my lil feeties.
Oh and on my photo blog with one of my chicks for life, we are working at trying to find time in both our lives to start posting atleast 2x a month. I hope all you lovely bloggers are doing wonderful though.

Saturday, February 13

The Wheels on the Bus Go....

Alllll the way to SPAIN!!! Eeeeeeeekkk!

I am so stoked! Yes I said Stoked, I also say "I dig it".=)

April 2-11th we are going to Lloret de Mar, Spain.

Just wanted to post a quick note saying that. We will also be doing a day trip to Barcelona...for reals? OH MY! I will be able to say I was in Barcelona. Pinch me I have to be dreaming.

Happy Valentine's Day and Have a good Weekend.

I will be trying to, I have a mid-term to do on Saturday, but since this week has been a bit of a rough one. I plan on relaxing, pulling myself together to hit the road running next week.


Wednesday, February 10

I feel

I feel calmer around you.
that i am strong.
I am NOT my past.
my past is just a part of me
That makes me appreciate the future.

Tuesday, February 9

There it is...I can wait for it now.

It grows.
I can feel it, everyday
it is there a little longer.
Right there, almost with in

So soothing, a beautiful sight.

it's me. the strong me. the me i loved.
The me others loved.
soon it will be there all day
Everyday of every week.
until then I can wait.
Cause atleast I know it's there.

Sunday, February 7

Women's Calendar

A very dear friend of mine, got me a great 2010 desk calendar. It is famous quotes, by only women. I loove it. I love it so much. It is wonderful to start the day off by reading something a fellow gal has said. They are all famous for different reasons, each month seems to have a different theme. This weekend's one got to me. So very true.

" I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispostions and not on our circumstances"
~ Martha Washington

it really hit home with me. for several reasons.

I have been through some stuff in my life, that is all I will say. But when I start to experience rough stuff or stressful stuff the past year or two. I get so down on myself. How did I handle the past stuff so smoothly? Why don't I have the patience I had to handle the 3 kids? I use to do it without the experience I have now.

This quote says it all to me, if I feel I can not handle it..then that is why these similar circumstances are hitting me harder. This makes me want to dig more into happier with my strength. Anyways just wanted to make this a quick and short post. I hope if you read this quote and have anything similar going through can help you too. If you want the name of the calendar it is. " Words of Wisdom for Women",Avalanche Publishing.

Tuesday, February 2

Broken Record?

Do you ever feels as if you're a CD? That you don't choose what track you're on? Someone is playing you, deciding what track you should be on at that moment? I do. I especially feel as if sometimes I'm repeat. That I can almost hear the next track, the lyrics are right on the tip of my tongue, however, what it will take for me to skip ahead, to finally get to the next song? I don't know. I am still searching though, seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe one day soon, my next song will start to play.

Sunday, January 17

Where did I go?

I need to fix this, get my juices flowing again. I have been on a break obviously.=)

But now I am taking a break, to re vamp this up, find my focus on it. Get in a balance of my personal life(my husband, school, work and my siblings/kids) and my me time.

I have lost some readers because of me being gone, feel like I lost the flow of some amazing peoples blogs and where their life is going. So here is the to the next few months of getting that all back and then some.

I hope your 2010 has started off grandly. Please, please stay tuned.