Where have the years gone?

So I am sitting here waiting for my hair to get semi-dry before I try to lay down and figured I would write a blog. Now the problem is what do I write about? I can tell you how awesome this week has been for me, the lovely weekend I had..but then I figured. "DING" something far more boring and longer would be to give you quick look back on the last 8yrs since high school. This is for me to just pass the time, those who were with me to say "Ah yes I remember that" and for those who were not to learn some new things... So to rein in my usual blabber blab. I will limit myself to 5 things for each year since 2000; Sorry If I bore you but you are warned stop reading now. Plus If I go to bed with wet hair, well anyone with curly hair or who has seen me do this before knows...I just should not. BTW I dyed my hair an awesome shade of INTENSE AUBURN...the box said Intense not I. I have missed my red. I had it "espresso"brown. It was not working for me, I am not meant to be just brown. Well anyways on with this re-cap. Especially since 2009 is fast approaching.



2000~
* High School is OVER.. The end of being under others thumbs, or so you think. Of getting that big "Yippeee you graduated and on to the big world". Which you want but in no way are ready for. * I made the choice to get away from the life in Utah, as those who know me agree that I had too. I did not want to leave but I just could not stay around that and the pain. * Moved to Alaska, got a job at Wal-Mart, made goals, re-aquainted with old friends, started to date and generally just finally be able to act my age..not my mothers. * Got to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my "Annie" great- g/ma which would be my last. * Felt truly hopefully for the first time going into 2001

2001

* Went from Just being friend with Dustin to dating and falling in love. I felt truly blessed.
* Made tons of great memories with my friends...like late night drives to Anchorage for Village Inn and the Porn store..all sober too.
* Got my dad back and my step-mom. They were clean and making changes...I had missed that part of my life deeply
* Got to go to Washington with Lindsey and traveling around it. First big "adult" trip.
* One night in August..had my life ripped, chopped and totally changed forever by someone's violent actions.
* Lost my great grandma 2 weeks later....went into a deep depression and had to hide it from my loved ones, had to deal with the trial, the surgries, the scars......
Sidenote: I could write my a book on those times, one day I might. But I will just say that 2001 was truly ying and yang. First half was great, last half I try to not think about.

2002

* Was trying to move on and be some what of a "normal" 19yr old whatever that was
* Had 3 surgries that year alone, and too many hours of physical thearpy to count
* Made the choice to live my life, even if it was in denial. I had to do what made me want to get up in the morning and breathe. That was going shopping, kissing boys, dating, partying, being with my friends and family. NOT TALKING ABOUT IT.
* Met Ryon...was not ready but became friends, then at the 11 month mark of Dustins death and my attack choose to take the leap that was the best one.
* Got up after falling hard, ended the year with a lil bit of hope, the determination to deal with everything and everyone and be my own person again.

2003

* GOT MARRIED...ahhh never thought that would happen so early. But with orders to Iraq, and be having dragged my feet with several guys and potentially missing out on good stuff. I refused to do that with Ry * Lost a few friends, well not really but I thought they were. Shows me what I knew
* Worked and played all year long. Was finally being just normal...well should say normalish.
* I TURNED 21....ahhhhhhhhh
*Had one of the best summers of my life even still today.

*It ended with us getting orders to San Antonio, Texas. I was not wanting to go but at the same time was excited to go move to the south and get to know my in-laws.

2004

* Living it up in warm San Antonio, Texas. I had my first Christmas with NO SNOW. That was a trip
* Started getting used to being on my own, no friends no comfort zone. What a city to do that in. It truly made me more independent.
* I started to meet some awesome people that are still in my life...Bridget and Brittney.
*Started getting hooked on the awesome concert scene, amusement parks and just overall fun feeling of the place.
* I lost my grandpa and my grandpa has major open heart surgrey a couple of months later. I am humbled by that year. For other reasons I wont post.

2005

* I choose to changed my job try something new with Banking at Chase
* I got to really understand the meaning of forgivness and heartbreak.
* We started to rent a nice house, got used to the extra space and yard really quickly
*Had the first HUUUGE party at the house, a kickass Halloween party that was slightly dulled by the fact I had to go to Emergency Room cause I had Pneaumonia
* Became close with Monica and went into the new Year loving my life

2006
* A year that was pretty much spent alone since Ryon was gone 8 months. I truly learned the value of friendship and still look back at those time with a smile because of my amazing friends
*Got to go to Vegas for the first time and see my beloved JJ..would not be the last time that year. Woooooowhooooooooo Vegas.
* Two of my favorite friends Jen and Steve got married and Ryon and I were asked to be part of it. It was great
* Took a 3 week vacation to New Mexico, Vegas and Back home, Then on to East Texas. It was a fantastic time period in my life.
*I got to go home to Alaska for 2 months to be with my family while Ryon was in England. It was a wonderful couple of months.

2007

*Just one more awesome year with my San Antonio Peeps. Filled with Fun, Some drunkness, stregths, great music and live shows and fatty food.
*Got my amazing job at Community Loans as a Branch Mngr which introduced me to some of the best co workers I have ever had.
* A BIT of a time period that I just worked, partied and ate bad food that was bad for the state of my aparment and myself.
* Had Ryon come home that October and snap be back to a routine besides work and play. Helped me refocus on responsibilties at home.
*Moved into an apartment I never wanted to leave, rang in the new year with some fun people and looked forward to reaching debt free in 2008

2008

* Got orders to Belgium...so threw a wrench in all the plans made for that year. Except it caused a new one my BFF, buttercup. crazy girl came to vist me in Feb. Now that was a fun filled 4 days. From tattoos, to sober but acting drunk at the Walgreens. hehehehe
* Started to get ready to leave, it made me cherish those last couple of months in San Antonio and got me super exictied for living it up In Europe.
* Got to Belgium end of May..found a job right away at a Bank, got settled into a routine with some cool people and our house.
* Made a risky choice to quit my good paying job to get healthly, and start school and be able to travel.
* Had a blissful Christmas Season and the most relaxing New Years Ever...going into 2009 with open eyes, mind and heart.


Okay so that turned out to be more diffcult to just do 5 things that happened each year. Plus I will admit a bit long winded and boring. I should have just done a couple of sentences but at this point in the writting of it all I will be damned if I erase what caused an hour wasted. =)

Trips, Tricks..OH MY!!

Soo it has been a month since I posted. Sorry about that. Mostly sorry to myself, I have so much built up in me from not writting my thoughts down it might seem like word vomit.I got the job at the Travel Group. I am a freelancer for them which basically means I am an adult babysitter. I make sure of how many people check in, and then everytime we get on the bus I check to make sure not leaving anyone behind, and people know pick up times and where to meet. THAT IS IT...I am not a tour guide, if they are late. Their fault...so that means I get paid to travel, and go on the trip for free. The sub teacher thing is taking longer than I expected it too. I was told when we first got here how long it takes for spouses to get a job. But a girl told me they need somone at the Aafes for loss and prevention. So could do that if I wanted to work retail again. I was also told the school really needs teachers come Dec. I hope so..if not I will go back to the bank I guess. Only because with the Euro dropping the miltary has dropped COLA, OHA and everything. All totaling 700 a month. That has really hurts us. So if money continues to be taken away then I can not justify waiting for the teacher thing, or going to school. I have to be part of my marriage and contribute. But hopefully it all comes togther. If not I have places to go work at. I just do no understand the miltary. They acknowledge that it is pricey here. So as the Euro drops and it would be easier for us to shop on the Economy they take money away? Keeping us just as unable to shop on the econmy as before. When if they kept it the same amount then it would easier. Not to mention what my husband does for the miltary, as a civilian he would make about 40-50 grand more a year. SOOOOOOO?? They are getting off cheaply.

Anyways times have been great besides that, I got to go to London, had an awesome time at a frinds Halloween party, been to Ysper, Belgium aka Flander Feilds for WW I memorial sites, Amerstredam. We have a trip planned to Germany after Thanksgiving, England in Jan, Egypt in October. Phewwww plus tons of little day trips in bettween. Like the Christmas markets in Dec too. Forgot that one. I loooove it. I will get a slideshow on here so y'all can see things we have been too, our house and just good memories. I miss my family and friends sooo much though. Even among all these fun times I think...if only. But you can not have both I guess. I am good friends here though. I have Kara, Bobbie, Amy and Jennifer. They are awesome chicks and make it fun. Belgium is growing on me in general. The cow-land, quiteness bothers me, and the cold rainy weather. But at same time 1- makes you want to read a good book, drink something warm, and snuggle in front of the fire, 2- The quietness is peaceful and you build a routine up. 3- The cows and farmlands can be cute.

So besides that I am doing good, trying to stay on track with loosing weight, being healthly. That is always an uphill battle, we have had some downfalls with that. The fact his grandma died of a stroke. She held on for 3 days then went home to our good lord. Even if she had made it she would have died in about 6 months cause she had Throat Cancer just had not had the results back in yet. The parties we have been to have not helped with eating right, now we have Thanksgiving coming and Christmas as well. SO have to gather all my strength and just allow myself to enjoy the bad foods on those days and not use it as an excuse to eat bad through the whole month. =)

Well I will go for now, I just wanted to throw something out there. I have several serious blogs saved, on politics and relgion just have not finshes them yet. I get all fired up about them and dont want to saying rash.

BTW Jen and Shanna..for some reason I can not add you two on my blog updater, following list. I am sorry for that. So that is why sometimes it takes me forever to comment on your blogs.

Why?

Before I start this blog, first off to those that read this and do not know me...I am a Christian, I have been since I was little. I believe in the bible, god, and that Jesus is our Savior. BUT I also believe in other things so this blog is just be expressing my thoughts on it.

Why does anything bad or good in your life have to be "god's Way"?? Have you ever stopped to realize, he has given us the "free will" for a reason? Why can you not just say I DID THAT, something good happened to me cause of my hard work, cause I DESERVE IT. Yes praying makes you feel better, yes God can give you strength..BUT SERIOUSLY...HE GOT YOU THE PROMOTION? Everything in the world and it was his divine intervention to help you get it out of the 10 people going for it? I know that sounds callus and UN-christian to some. I welcome your thoughts but at the same time I feel like saying "Stuff It". to many people are judgmental based on the sole reason of their faith. So sorry that you think it was all him that got you that job However- I think he has other things to do. I think he listen to us all the time, I think he gives us strength when we ask for it. I just do not think he will fix everything for you, that he is the reason for any bad in your life. Cause it was in his plan.People use religion as an excuse for everything....the big one being war. I am sick of it, it is there to help you, to let you learn and grow and COME BACK TO HIM. That is why we are here people. That is why he had his son die for us. So we could go back to him one day. To choose a life of good, to do the things he has put before us to do and not to do. Before that we couldn't, we only went to Paradise. Now that is just my personal outtake on it. I am not a church going christian anymore for the very reason that I think every church has it wrong. I do think they have some things right, I believe that they have good intentions but I love what Jesus Christ said" Where two or more people gather in my name, THAT is MY CHURCH".. SO when priest, pastors etc..tell us to GO EVERY WEEK, OR YOU ARE SINFUL, YOU MUST GO TO MASS AND REPENT, TO PAY THEIR CHURCH ...um NO THANK YOU. I will read the bible, I will pray to god, I will discuss it with MY HUSBAND, my friends, my family. I am not giving more money to some church so they can choose to do with it what they will. I help gods creatures MYSELF. I donate my time to volunteer at animal shelters I donate money to homeless people ALL THE TIME, I will go volunteer at a woman's shelter, homeless shelter that way I know I am doing what I am supposed. I am doing what god has given me the strength to do. I don't need to put everything that happens from my choices on him, I don't have to go to a church every week to feel like a better Christian.

Why am I so against it? Well it is not that I am against for everyone. Just myself...you see I can not stand hypocrites. I went to a Baptist Church and the Ladder Day Saints(Mormon) Church the most growing up. I have been to others Lutheran, Catholic(Oh don't worry I will get to THEM in a moment) Presbyterian, etc...I preferred Baptist and at the time I needed something to give a positive light in my life that my mom would let me attend. Well the Mormon church was the answer. I lived in Utah from 8yrs old to 18yrs old. With two years during that back in Alaska cause of well..that could be another 20 blogs. So anyways at 13 I got into the Mormon church because well they are everywhere in Utah, Seriously......like 7-Elevens.(which I miss)..soo from that time till I left Alaska and lived in Utah the Mormon church was a good thing for myself and my family. I do not believe what they do but when you are younger they don't really get into all the funny sounding, 9 Earths, you will be a God, 3 different levels of heaven shit. They gave me something positive to do when I was growing up, they were there for me to go to get our rent paid, and a food order when we needed it. Those who know me know how my mom is. They made me see other family's being stable, being with family was not always drama, bad violent things. I loved the people at my Ward. I still pray for those people, and I know they will go to Heaven. I looked up to them. Still do this day they are some of the most honest, dependable people I have the blessing to meet.....it is just that..Well if God judges that you are good enough for heaven..why would he say you are good enough to go here...but not here?

Now add on to that I believe in other worlds, universes, possibly demisions and I think the Big Bang makes great sense. I am lucky to have friends from all faiths and walks of life. To me as long as you believe in something greater than you and try to be a good, decent, helpful person. Well that is good right? That should be enough. Regardless if you go to Church every week you will still be judge in the next life whatever you deem that to be for you.

So when I watch the news, read books, talk to people and I see the horrible things being done in the name of religion. It upsets me. When I see people looking their noses down at others for no other reason that because of THEIR FAITH they think they are better. UGH I COULD SLAP THEM. When I hear that the Catholic Higher Ups Arch Bishops or whatever choose that the 7 Deadly Sins needed to be added too? Mmmk..wtf? That they take child molesters and move them to another parish, state, Church whatever they call it. Just because they have been a Priest for so long? That everyone is human? Yeah I am human and I never try to damage a young one because someone above me has restricted my normal, healthily sexual urges. So I take them out on the closet thing. CHOIR BOYS....ewww I want to go scrub my skin thinking of men like that. I know, I know women do that stuff to. But they are not in the Catholic church are they? That the largest land owner in the world is the CATHOLIC CHURCH??

Soo before I piss of my Catholic friends I think the member, the believers in the faith are not wrong. They are the good decent people that want to attend mass, that give money to the poor. I just think the higher workings are becoming corrupted. You then turn to the Middle East where all that destruction is being done in the name of Allah, of God. It has been for thousands of years and will continue to be right?


Do you see why I feel the need to rant a bit on this subject? I get so confused by it all. It makes you want to throw your hands in the air and beg for a sign. At least to me. Now do not think I am saying church goers are bad. I like to go every once in awhile..I just do not believe in Organized Religion..it is made by man and man is faulty. I would like to leave that all between me and my savior. I think my savior, my god is happy with my life. He sees my good choices and remembers the bad ones. That he knows when I am truly sorry for something I did and felt that was wrong. I do not think it is okay to commit the same thing over and over again and be okay cause I told Priest and Said Hail Mary's. Nah he knows when you are truly repenting.

Okay so another thing that confuses me..what about Jehovah Witnesses? Why do they go door to door, try to get more members in. They believe only 100,000 are going to heaven right? That he has not come yet? Sooo why get more people? Why would you become a member of that church cause only a handful are going compared to the world population? I do not know enough about the faith to get in to much detail but it just confuses me a Lil. Any Jehovah Witness's read this please educate me I welcome it.

Well I think the wind is truly out of sails now. Which is a good thing. I just got a little angry a few weeks ago. I waited to post this but I think I will just do it.

I hope that some of this makes sense, I guess I will just post it and come back to it. I just got a Lil miffed by the fact that someone died..and I was told " It was gods will".... I do not believe that...he did not intend for one of his children to be brutally attacked. It was evil, it was a human choosing evil, he took his free will and used it badly. God only was there waiting for the victim with open arms. So in ending...I hope that god, Jesus Christ my Savior is in my life each day, there is so much that I could not have done without him, he has brought peace and strength, a direct path to my life when I needed it most. I am not a good enough person yet for heaven. I have asked him into my life, I pray everyday...I just think that he has people who need him more and has given me the strength in the past so he wants me to use that now. Does that make sense? Did I offend you? If so I am sorry...it just every where you look you get the extremists who just make you kinda wanna rip your hair out..... That is my thought...Give me yours. Please

Why Do I feel so InAdequate

Another long week has passed over here in sunny yet really cold(for Sept anyways) Belgium. This week has had alot of downs but I think has ended on an up note. I have not gotten hired anywhere for a part time job. It is starting to bother me and Ryon I do believe. I got the bank job so quickly and it felt like a blessing. What if it was and me quitting to be selfish and pursue my goals was like a slap in the face? We heard so many horror stories of people not finding work for almost a year, blah blah. Well we found a house quick, furniture got here on time, pay did not get messed up(big one on moving with military) I got a job quick. Nothing was going badly.......

That is why I felt okay to finally say okay no more good paying jobs that I am not liking. Let's do something that will make me happy and secure my future. If I get this degree I will be the FIRST person on either side of my family to get a bachelors degree. That makes me happy to think I can make my mom and dad happy. I can make Ryon happy by earning a decent but I think underpaid salary. Plus can be doing what I love....teaching little kids. Now I have also wanted to be a psychologist,,focusing on criminal or child(I know totally opps) but that is why I will get a minor in Psych. That way when I have children, and have been a far better mom than my own was(I love my mom though) If I still want that, if after years at teaching if I fill a Lil empty. I can go further with psych and then do that instead. I just want to DO SOMETHING that makes A DIFFERENCE. There will always be another person to work at a bank, or be a Mgr at a loan company( I say that cause those are the jobs I have done for last 2yrs) I want to be that Mrs. Collier that noticed a child being abused at home, overcame a child's learning difficulty, told someone about what I grew up around, the shit I have been through and CHOSE to not go down that path, and have them follow my lead. I want to be what I had in my two fave teachers.

Anyways I just hate not feeling like I am giving my husband the support finical he deserves. We make it just fine, everything paid for, and food, and can do something fun every payday. BUT I feel bad when he wants something and we cant buy it right away, or we can not splurge as hard as I want us to be able to. I feel it is my fault. I hate feeling guilty about money. I just feel weak. I hate that I know I do not have the focus on will power right now to loose the weight I need to by working out the way I need to, go to school, keep the house going, and work full time. I can not do that. I felt that doing the school and weight thing was the best thing. Plus I want to work part time. I don't want to be lazy, well let me take that back cause I am a good damn wife.I am not a lazy wife. I am a Domestic Engineer as I like to say. I cook, clean, let him do boy things WITHOUT bitching, I let him have parties and act as hostess. Okay well I like having the parties too, I invite people too.. Not saying I do all these things for him and am unselfish in them. I just am saying that I support him...but I just feel lazy if I dont bring in ANY money at all.


Okay enough blabber pity me for now. I just was feeling that way this week, then I got sick after just two months ago of being sick. I never use to get sick this often.. Got in my first arguement over here in Belgium with my hunnyI hate fighting, I dont have the energy for it anymore. DOnt get me wrong I still like to argue but with him....I just can not anymore. So that sucked that we broke our awesome record. It was one of those"how stupid were we" ones too. BUT today we had a great day the sun was shinning..and I went and looked at puppies. I lovvvvvveee dogs. I love all animals, would not want my Lizzy Loo cat to be with anyone else but me. HOWEVER there is a joy of being able to have a puppy, to roll around with them, train them, know they feel your love and NEED IT. I love how loyal a dog is too. I go to adoption places and want to adopt. I never have though., in San Antonio all the strays running around. I always just saved animals. So it is cool to think of going and "picking" a dog. I like to think of it as they pick you too. If you pull them out of their sad kennel and they want nothing to do with you. Then well maybe they do not need to be with you. But when they are all over you, sit by you. Just want some hugs and kisses. Well then...it is a match. So I saw about 5 I wanted to today. 3 were grown up, maybe 1-2yrs old. The other 2 were lil Amercian Staff Puppies. AWwwwwwww.

So that made my week all better, seeing these dogs, giving them some freedom to run around, someone to pet them, getting all dirty and the puppies trying to lick me. It made all the stress go away. That is why EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE a dog and a cat. We as humans need to have them in our lives to remember the simple things, the de-stressing action of just petting your animal and having it puurrr or smile( I KNOW DOGS SMILE) to have them meow/bark at you when you get home after a crappy 8hr day. As if they are saying " there you are, where have you been, I miss you, hug me hug me hug me". Do you know what I mean?

So that is the week I had, on another postive note.....................drum roll................... I GOT MY VONAGE hoooked up. SO HAPPY, now I can call people and talk all the time, I can get calls. I have been devestated by not being able to talk to people. It made me really see how much I took my granted my cell phone and texting, Just having that lifeline at anytime. Out here in Cow-Land. Crappy pre paid mins, it was getting to me. So yipppppeeee for now I can talk.

SO y'all have a great weekend. Thanks for once again reading my nonsense, blabbing.

xoxo

Lalalalala De Di Da..BLAH

September is almost over, I am so happy for October to come. I love the fall colors and the smells, weather, the hoildays. I am going to try to make a vailant effort to get all my hoilday cards mailed at a time that people will get them before the day. I am so bad at mailing things. I have birthday presents for some family members(in july&august) that I still need to send. Ooops! So here in Belgium it is nice and sunny yet cold. I LOVE THAT. I have missed an actual fall living in San Antonio, Texas these last 4yrs. We have been told that it does snow here just does not stick very well. That is fine to me, to have a little bit of snow will just make me over the moon. I loved living in San Antonio it just only got "cold" maybe 3 weeks out of the year in Dec-Feb. I get to use my hats and scarves. Speaking of scarves..what the hell was this trend of wearing them around your neck IN THE SUMMER?!? Can't those people just make them part of their ensemble for the fall/winter? I look at some of the clothes people call trendy and ...well lets just say I guess I do not understand because I am not a New Yorker or Californian. =)


I had a great weekend, Oktoberfest started...phew crazy Germans. It was quite a party, people dancing on tables, falling over, cool mugs(I am collect steins now) gross beer, yummy shots, great food....yeah that about sums up my night. I can not wait to have some of my friends come experience Europe with me. I am not taking anything for granted. We are doing more stuff to our house. Ryon started our flowerbeds. We got some goregous red flowers that were randomly planted around here. So we moved them over to one section, Ryon added the rocks we bought. It looks really good. Figure might as well get started before winter comes. That way next year we just have to re-plant some things and that is it.

Oh we also bought a white tree this last week. I have choosen to do white.silver and black. Kind of like a NIghtmare before Christmas thing. Now before y'all go "eeeweww" I had a friend do it last year and let me tell you it looked like X-Mas still and was very modern. So that is what I wanted to do, yet no black decorations here at our little PXtra. We might go look downtown area for some but then you are paying Euro and it adds up alot quicker. I will try some websites see if they ship. If not I will do a white tree and bronze&gold this year. I KNOW JEN GASP ME DOING GOLD. But I think it shall be the only gold I allow in my house. I am not a big fan of yellow gold colors. It makes my skin looked washed out....so I typically carry that ill feeling towards it in all things. Well I did get a really awesome gold Guess purse. So maybe I am changing in my taste as well as other things this year.

I guess I will cut off for now, this is a lame entry, however I felt the need to atleast write something. Now off to tackle the fact that I can not read Jen's blog, it wont let me and I cant add her to my flow list. I am getting quite peeved.

XOXO

Does anything fun every happen on Tuesdays?

It is almost 4pm over here in Belgium and I am tired as hell. I was trying to get some things done and I DID. I love feeling satisfied and accomplished at the little things like when you get your house cleaned, do errands that you wrote down. See I am a GREAT list maker, all organized and planned. BUT over the last 4 months being over here I do not seem to get my lists done. This is how OCD I make my list. For those of you who don't know I am trying to better myself. How so?? Well by loosing this weight I have had on me for 2yrs. I had gained weight back in 03. then lost it in in 04'....gained some back in 05..lost it again. Since 2006 it has been a steady increase. I have no reason except personal problems and laziness. I am trying to keep up on beauty routines like face masks, eyebrow plucking, pedicures things of those nature. So I made a notebook of things to do for the next 6 months. One notebook for weight loos, working out and diet. The other for BEAUTY stuff. Do micro-dermabrasion once a month, scrub feet once a week(I go barefoot a lot need to not let them get rough), pluck eyebrows every two weeks. I HATE PLUCKING...I have had my eyebrows waxed every 3 weeks for the last almost 5yrs. I sneeze and my eyes water up, I feel I make them to thin. But over here cost in EURO and have not found someone I trust. Anyways that is just a little bit of the "planner" in me. With sections on each notebook to write when I did them, how I felt about getting them done. Lame right?

I also decided to quit the bank job I got here only two weeks after being here. I am sick of just working for a good paycheck. I am 26 with not ONE college class under my belt. When I turned 18 I said 1yr off work and have fun then go back to school. I had some stuff happen in 2001(1yr after graduating) that really threw my life out of whack for a year and half. SO yeah that is reasonable reason. After that....nothing. But I am sick of feeling not good enough for anyone. I have friends that I look upon with admiration and just love their dedication to better themselves. I should have had my degree by now.

I talked it over long and hard with my hubby, I can not work full time, go to school full time and loose weight like I need too. You can scoff and say "people do it all the time" BUT I don't just need to loose weight to be toned. It is for health reason..those who have seen me this last year KNOW THAT TOO. I am totally comfortable saying that too. So I am going to work part time and go to school full time while fixing my health. I have been applying at the school for substitute teacher and a few others. I have been getting school things ready, applying for loans, grants..etc BUT CAME TO A SCREECHING Halt. See the problem is I NEVER TOOK MY SAT's. LMAO... I totally forgot about that until I was going to go to the Education Office to get further along in my enrollment. I went to an alternative high school my senior year. Due to that I was 5.75 credits behind, plus my regular Senior year. Well I took extra classes and did correspondence work in order to walk with my class. I GOT IT DONE even when teachers told me to go easy and just graduate in the summer. =( NO WAY I DID IT...well in order to do that I went to the alt. High School because Murray High School charged 60 bucks for every .25 credit you made up.......um mom being on welfare and not working did not fit getting that done. So I did what I had to do as I always did then and still do now. So they never gave us the SAT's. Those who are close to me know why I was behind that many credits. I now need to go and get material and study for Sat's and take them. Going to be weird doing that but what can I do?? Eh? So yeah that is what I am feeling accomplished about. I am finding things out, keeping house clean, working out, dieting, DOING WHAT I SAID I WOULD DO. I love that.....


Phew...that turned into a rant and ramble right?? Well I just wanted to say why I was tired..just getting things done. I am supposed to go to Ryon's football game tonight, he is not there though. That is kinda taking away my motivation to do so. He is in Italy and is hating it. Not Italy but the dorms he is in and stuff. I have not spoken to him for more than 10mins in the last 3 days. I am seriously going to think of switching to a paid cell plan. This pre-paid shit cost waaaaaay to much for a cell phone.


I will cut this off for now and quit boring anyone who is reading...maybe go get to more of what is on my wonderful lists? hahahahahaha

Pure, Pure Boredom

So when you are in a land far far FAR away from your friends who could save you from boredom this is what happens. After taking Ryon to the airport this morning, half a day alone knowing I will be alone all week. NO CABLE..just my books and the internet. I stumbled across this picture maker thingy. Decided to play around with it. Soooo

This is what I looked like when I was a child



If I had been a Barcalona Painting



If I was black, and not being mean..but the website needs to do some updating. They have an option for half ape and it looked just like the black one. HOW RUDE!!








Well lucky me one of the few people I have met and have hung out with outside of the ones in my head...(jokes) has called to invite me for dinner. Off to Kara's house I go for some grub!!

Going in Gently...

To start off with I will stay with simple and sweet. I know my mind is like a vortex of craziness at times and even I get scared trying to go in there. If anyone wants to post comments and give advice on blogs I do post then awesome. If not...oh well. I love to write and make up little songs. I wish I knew how to make a layout that was more me. But that will come later I guess. I am still in shock from yesterday. I have been in Europe now for almost 4 months. I was floating down the Mosel(sp?) River in Germany yesterday. The wine country...and it hit me. I AM FLOATING DOWN THE RIVER IN GERMANY. I can not belive I really get to see all these things, hear all these diffrent launages, see these diffrent cultures for the next 4 years. I am going to make the best of it, and roll with any punches that come my way. I have to admit 2008 has been a year with nothing bad. YES I SAID IT NOTHING BAD...that has not happened for me since....well before I was even in High School. I am not even sure when I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just have accepted the lucky break and will appreicate every second it stays that way. I have had sad moments this year with my loved ones problems. I just am that way...a friend cries, I start to cry to. They have a problem and I want to help them. But nothing bad in MY life.


PHEW

So anyways just wanted to post a quick entry to show I will be using this to put thoughts on record. This is even more permentent than a journal, atleast that can be burned. Once you put something on the web..it stays there forever, till the smart ones come along and find it even after you deleted it.